Well, guys lets see if any of  this sounds familiar. On June 23 2009 I exploded, not literally yet it did feel like it. I said things and did things that were scary and absolutely insane. Tossing a table over and knocking my poor wife back in the process threatening to kill myself because I thought I could no longer handle the pressures of what life was throwing at me. And I meant it. Even told my kids bye that they would no longer see me again. How absurd and selfish is that. My brain was on overload with four hundred thoughts flying at me per second and I could not control it. Instead I allowed, not even a choice at this point, I allowed my action to dictate my feelings. Guys! Do not ever do this and I’ll give you a good reason why.

            Lets say that your grandmother passed away in Dec. of  2008 and your mother April of 2009. You love both of them very much and it impacted in ways that you do not know how to express to your wife or girlfriend. Now, lets say that on top of this in the past with your marriage you had already been pretty anxious and paranoid with an abusive childhood and such. You know always thinking I’m the victim, help me, me, me, me. How can it get any worse, every time I go to stand up there’s life, hello. Knocking me down again so why not give up and stop trying to stand. Wow. These were my thoughts and my actions on June 23. I wound up in life streams on suicide watch for three days. Not fun, especially when you have a sexist racial neo natzi schitzo psycotic rooming with you. Now wouldn’t you rather be in bed with your best partner in life instead of ruining years of relationship with one day of excitement.

Here, let me break down my mistakes one by one.

1. I continually get myself worked up without reason. Its beyond sanity guys. Blame your past, your mother, father and whoever else abused you as a child go ahead do it now. Hell, tell your wife she doesn’t do enough and blame her to.