I divorced him  for  running around on me and hitting me. But It seemed to never really end. I would move and he would find me and  We ended up was homeless  because of him many times. And I lost a lot of jobs because of him. I worked as a cook and dish washer and bus girl., and  Babysitting  or child care and marrow  and home care. He would take my checks., So..I got in a habit of getting money orders for rent and bills and sending them out when I got paid. So he could not get the money for drugs., or partying. It was the only way we keep a place to live.They said we are to lock the doors and call the cops.When the boyfriends or ex. or mates come yelling and frighting.,  But when I did this I was told I would lose my kids.. Because  I ended up having more kids by him as years went by. Sadly he beat me up and tried to kill my baby’s I carried when on drugs.  He said  The baby’s was to hard for him to take care of and he did not want them., But it always was me who took care of the baby’s. So..I never understood why he seem to want the baby’s dead.  I think it was around 6 times he tried to kill me. One time., He beat me when I was  only a few weeks from having a baby, Holly. He pulled out my hair by the roots and my hair will not grow in back to this day, And he hit me so much much that I went to my mom’s with blood all over me., and I was all cut up. Mom tried to get cops to do something and they came and made a report and took pictures  of me and it want to count., but when court day came my ex. messed up my car and I had to walk in the snow and ice and did not make it in time to the court hearing and my ex. told them that we made up and they dropped it all..But they usually never did anything at anyways..I usually was to frighten to go to cops or court because he would beat on me and make my life hell and frighten to stay to..because he beat on me and made my life hell..It was like I was between a hard place and a rock., or always in that “eye of a storm” never really knowing what to do. I wanted my kids to have a father., because I never did.,  but at the same time.. I did not want my kids to live a life of hell…to frighten to sleep, because if they sleep the frighting might start. My son says to this day he had nightmares of foster homes and..Can’t sleep at night well. He says some times he just wakes up feeling frighten…As I do..Some things we just never forget..!! Never.. Once  he pulled a gun on me and tried to shot me because I  did not  not  want him or his friends having my kids smoke pot. Holly was a rape baby….from him. He broke in the house and just raped me when I locked him out. He raped me so much I hate sex  and thought pain just came with it. He told me how to dress and what to say and how to act. He always said I was dumb and could do nothing without him., criticizing me all the time., isolating me from most others , to where, I felt all alone, other then my sister -in- law, Lynn, I was not to be around anyone..,I was usually yelled at or worse if I went to see my mom. He humiliated me so much, that when I first got away from him in 1990..I dreamed of him making fun of me  and I felt so humiliated. If I did anything he did not like I was hit or worse. I was beat up so much I think I can still feel the pain. As I said, Cops acted as if it was all a joke and no one else ever helped me. Just 2 people..helped me have I talked of in here.. When you got no one to help you and no where to go and no money. You learn to do as your told and take abuse. For losing your kids was not something you wanted..