Upon reflection do I feel that the hard work was worth all the effort? Well, when I look at my own surviving twin son, who is now a successful, positive and hardworking young man, there is no doubt in my mind whatsoever. Has my son suffered as a result of being my ‘guinea-pig’ for many years as I studied, observed and carefully noted his emotional and physical behaviour in order to write books and information brochures? Not in the least; and just to make sure, I asked him a series of ‘interview’ questions shortly after his eighteenth birthday. Because the answers of which have already been published on a United States multiple birth website, and in the member’s only section of the National Twin Loss Support website, I feel that they do not need to be duplicated in this article.

So much as been documented about the psychological effects upon twins and other higher order multiples who have been parted from their siblings at birth, or shortly thereafter. Most research is frightening to read because it reveals a ‘dark’ side as to how this separation can affect those who survive. Problems such as why surviving multiple birth children grow up not understanding why they feel ‘different’, or why they appear to have difficulties in trying to maintain long term relationships, or why they may seek their answers to these problems in the bottom of bottles, in the taking of pills and through the injecting of needles, has only served to deepen the despair that many surviving multiple birth individuals feel.

Having said that, I was certain that there was some form of hope for these survivors. However naive I was in holding these thoughts, I was sure that a positive side was yet to be revealed. How could we give the parents who were still experiencing the early days and years of their loss any hope if we didn’t try and find it for them, or at least assist them in their own endeavours to find a small glimmer?

My son, whether he initially agreed or not, became a key to this brighter side. The experiment of trying to be honest, supportive and positive about his twinship had begun to show results after many years, and by sharing them with other multiple birth loss parents, as well as health care professionals, it gave the work I was doing in multiple birth loss a reinvigorated energy. It gave it foundation and substance. It laid the topic directly on the table of the medical professional arena and opened the way for professionals and parents to work together in order to find a positive path towards the future.

Although my own experiences are just those of one family, my research over the years has revealed that I am not alone. Many families right around the world all seek to find a positive side to this problem. We seem to be the ones teaching the health care professionals, the ones who are prepared to stand up and speak for the rights of those who cannot speak for themselves. If this was not the case, there would have been no need to write the sequel to my first book, “The Diary”.

When asked as to his thoughts about being a twin, my son was at first, not too sure what to say. However, after dwelling on the topic for a few moments he told me that he was happy in life because he didn’t feel alone. He always felt his sister was there with him and that he was a unique person in being a surviving twin. His final comment left me with glistening eyes and I will leave you to ponder it: “I live life for the both of us – and that’s a good thing!”

I hope you think so too.