A Walk to Remember

            This was ridiculous! I was standing here, dreading the very thought of walking up those stairs to meet his luscious gaze. I should be celebrating not shaking uncontrollably! Get a hold of yourself! Pause. Breathe. Walk. Every step felt like a nightmare. The hallway seemed to continue on forever. There would be no light at the end of the tunnel for me.

            There he was.

            My memory had not done him justice. He was so, un-humanly beautiful. Everything about him. The way his maple brown hair scattered across his head, his penetrating blue eyes that sparked pools of thought into my mind, the fashion in which his shirt clung to his well muscled chest. I struggled to keep my jaw from giving into gravity. I was mesmerized. And he knew it.

            I glimpsed at K.K. sitting next to him. She gave me and oh-my-god-where-have-you-been look, so I played it cool with casual, unimportant talk. After a few exchanges of, ’I didn’t do my social studies homework’s and ‘I forgot to study for the science test’s, I limply fell against the lockers. Right when I’d just about buried my nose into my book, I heard his velvet voice. “Would you like to take a walk?” I looked up to see him standing above me, with his hand outstretched towards me.

            Thump. That was hardly fair. I’m sure he could hear my heart pounding in my chest. I simply nodded, took his hand and scrambled to my feet. I took one last look at K.K. who smiled. I flashed her a quick smile and then returned to walk beside him.

            His silent glide was incomparable to my scrawny stumble. We walked towards the stairwell in silence. Angela flashed me a smile, she seemed to know exactly what was happening, though I told her nothing. “Is outside ok?” he called.

            “Sure.” I squeaked. We walked in silence to the doors and about ten feet into the thick morning air. I was still breathing, a good sign.

            “So what did you want to talk about?” he questioned.

            “Oh….well it’s…um…” I searched for the right words that clearly were not residing in my mind.

            “Didn’t you prepare something to say?” he asked.

            “Well I tried to but as you can see I clearly failed. I have an idea of what to say, but now that I’m out here with you, it seems to have left my mind.” I replied. I was too honest with him.

            “Well then you should just say it.” He knew exactly what he was doing to me. I swallowed silently.

            “I wanted to tell you that I like you a lot, and I figured I should just come right out and say it to you.” Like? That was hardly a word to describe my compulsion to be with him every second. Oh no what was I saying…

            “I like you too,” I gazed up at him, he was staring at the ground, his expression unreadable, almost painful. It hurt me to see him in pain. I quickly looked back down, “but I can’t go out with you. You were my best friend’s girlfriend.”

            This all felt like a giant echo, the entire year almost repeated itself, but everything was slightly different. It wasn’t fair. Not that I regretted my relationship with Mike, in fact he was probably the only person I felt that I really connected to. But I wanted to move on with my life. I was tired of dwelling on the past, and other people dwelling there also.

            “Oh.” was all I managed to breathe out. I wasn’t going to simply give up on him but I wasn’t sure persistency would sway him. But I made up my mind right there. I wasn’t letting go. Not now, not when I was so close.

            We walked in silence for a few seconds that ticked off like a bomb, before he spoke. “You know, you’re very different from the other girls. You’re not afraid to be who you are and you’re very outgoing. You don’t care what anyone else thinks.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This…amazing person was saying this…about me? I was flattered.

            “Thanks.” I almost whispered.

            “So what do you like about me?” I chuckled at his words. Most would find his remark a bit egotistical, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to go on listing every embarrassing detail of my love for him so I simply replied,

            “Everything.” I looked up at him, but he never met my gaze. Always looking straight ahead, or at the ground. I found him very hard to read. I could have sworn I saw his cheek uplifted into a smile of satisfaction. I felt the atmosphere begin to thin and I was feeling more comfortable talking to him. I began to babble on about how nervous I was coming to talk to him. He seemed slightly uninterested, so I changed the path of the conversation.

            “Do you remember that night of home days when you, Jessica, and I were by the Mitchell’s stand?” I asked.

            “Yes.” He replied as if searching for where I was headed with this.

            “I’ve liked you since then.” Shock swept across his face. Sheer disbelief.

            “Are you serious?”

            “Yes.”

            “Why didn’t you tell me?” he angrily spoke.

            “I’m not the kind of person who just tells someone that kind of stuff.” It was true. I wasn’t.

            “That’s ridiculous! It’s been like…ten months since then!”

            “I know.” We were silent then. He still seemed troubled. A sense of pain in his eyes. Like maybe his best friend wasn’t the only reason. But I would not give up on him.

            He began to talk about insignificant things that I added with the occasional ‘wow’ and ‘hahaha’. We were approaching the school again. I knew our walk was coming to an end. I didn’t want it to. For ten minutes I had learned more about this person than I could have ever wanted to. It was satisfying. I sighed and uncrossed my arms. He held the door open for me and we began to make our way back up the stairs.

            “Are you okay?” he asked.

            “Yes.” I replied. It hadn’t yet occurred to me that I was hurt. I felt a surge of pain coming on, but I fought it back to keep from gripping on to my sides in agony. We began to sit back down at the lockers and K.K. pierced me with her questioning eyes. I smiled at her. She didn’t seem to find it a smiling matter. I chuckled slightly.

            I knew this was not the end for me and him. And he knew it too. He had studied me long enough to sense my determination towards him. It was a shame that pain should be caused to such a person with his caring eyes and warm touch. Everything will be different now. I knew it. Either for better or for worse it would be different.

            I was satisfied. Even though I knew pain was yet to come, I finally began to live in the moment. Something I was never quite capable of. But I had done it. Finally not looking towards the future always anticipating what would be coming next. No, I was living right here, right now. It was wonderful.

–Lindsay Simon

5th Period