I used to teach high school, Art and English. I taught on a Native American reservation, in kind of a rough school, and I was not all that suited to teaching high school. I found that high schoolers, with a few notable exceptions, were just like five year olds, but it was harder to take from kids over four feet tall. This is a story from one of the days that pushed me to the younger ages. And yes, I was actually this sarcastic.

Mizz Hintsala: Do you remember the clay mixing bags? Yes? They are on my desk. Add the dry clay, crunch out as many lumps as you can with your fingers, then add water, just a little bit at a time, and knead the bag like dough until the clay is the consistency, the way, that you want it. Okay?

(Mizz Hintsala repeats this three times, to answer the question “What?” On the 4th what….)

Mizz Hintsala: Put the bag on your head.

Allison: (Looking confused, and with a slightly mischievous smile on her face.) “What?”

Mizz Hintsala: Put the bag on our head. Add clay and water. Mix well. I am not telling you again.

(At this point Allison’s twin, Addrienne, helps her out and gets the clay in the bag, lumps and all.)

Allison: Oh, Mizz Hintsala, it’s all lumpy! I can’t use this!

Mizz Hintsala, who has decided that Allison has indeed finished her pot, just not in art class: Take the lumps out, Dear. Use your fingers.

(Allison looks around, spots a rolling pin. She happily begins pounding out lumps, looking over at Mizz Hintsala, wating for her to ask Allison to stop the noise. When this does not happen, she asks…)

Allison: Oh, Mizz Hintsala, you don’t mind this?

Mizz Hintsala: Is your clay less lumpy? Yes? Then I don’t mind.

(Allison pounds harder, breaking the bag and sending clay dust everywhere.)

Allison: Do I put in the water now?

Mizz Hintsala: (looking at the broken bag) I wouldn’t.

Allison: (looking confused) Oh, yeah? Why?

Mizz Hintsala: What happens when you put water into a bucket with holes in it?

Allison: (thinks for a beat) It runs out.

Mizz Hintsala: Right! Very good. Now, what would happen if you put water into this bag?

Allison: (thinks for a beat) It would run out?

Mizz Hintsala: Right again! We’re on a roll. So can you use this bag?

Allison:(looking at the bag with a slight smile) Oh, yeah! Okay, then am I done?

Mizz Hintsala: Is the clay done?

Allison: (looking at the clay) No! It’s still dry, you can’t make nothin outa dis.

Mizz Hintsala: Good. Then we are in agreement. You are not done. Get another bag.

Allison: Where are they, then?

Mizz Hintsala: (looks at her for a beat) Where they were last time.

Allison: Oh, on your desk?

Mizz Hintsala: Right! Good Girl. Get a bag.

Allison: Do I put the clay in the bag?

Mizz Hintsala: (looks at her for a beat) That’s what I would do.

Allison: Oh. Okay. (puts dry clay in the bag, spilling some, and goes over to the sink.)

Mizz Hintsala: Now, not too much water, just a little bit at a time.

Allison fills the bag with water, all the while Mizz Hintsala is telling her that her clay is going to be clay soup.

Allison: Oh, Mizz Hintsala! Why’d you tell me to put water in this! It’s all runny now!

Mizz Hintsala: Oh, I’m just sneaky that way. Why don’t you add some dry clay, until it evens out, and no more water!

Allison: Oh, where’s dat, then?

Mizz Hintsala looks at Allison. And looks. Allison starts to get uncomfortable.

Allison: Aye! Mizz Hintsala! What the fu…oh sorry…what’s wrong with you?

Mizz Hintsala: The clay is on the table. The table with the clay. The table in front of you, dear.

Allison: Oh, Mizz Hintsala? Would dis work better in da rain?

Mizz Hintsala bangs her head on the table, laughing quietly and tries to think how does one teach sarcasm or remove it from lovely children.

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Comments (26)
  • denus on Feb 16, 2009

    this gave me a laugh, good piece!

  • postpunkpixie on Feb 16, 2009

    Hysterical. My mum’s an English teacher in an inner city school so I sort of know how you feel. Kids are exasperating creatures.

  • Christine Ramsay on Feb 16, 2009

    As a teacher myself I totally sympathise with you. I also changed from secondary aged pupils as they seemed impossible to teach at times. I ended up with delightful primary aged children.
    This is a brilliant and funny article.

    Christine

  • Doogie on Feb 16, 2009

    Oh… oh… so- I could picture this all in technocolor- widescreen. I was a tad confused as I thought I had returned my copy of Rain Man last week. I see you taught a class of Raymonds. Oh dear. I’m so sorry for your experience at the ‘res’. I’ll laugh at those scenes in my head for quite a while.

  • Joni Keith on Feb 16, 2009

    It sounds to me like there isn’t enough patience in the world in a situation like this. Bless your heart that you came out of it with your sanity. Good story.

  • miss cornelia on Feb 16, 2009

    A good reason for me not to take up teaching, especially high school aged children. (Lot’s of people tell me I should be a teacher because I’m so good with teaching my daughters.)

  • Aldrin A Wilding West on Feb 16, 2009

    I wonderful example of why I admire teachers so, but would never, ever, not in a million years be one… :)

  • Lee Altman on Feb 16, 2009

    awesome made me smile and that’s not easy

  • Anne McNew on Feb 16, 2009

    I can relate to your experience being a teacher in college. students sometimes dictates faculty to have r not to have classes. huh

  • Lisa Mc on Feb 16, 2009

    Nice job…

  • Majic on Feb 16, 2009

    Gyahahahaha! When I was teaching art I had this one student who asks even the most stupid questions just so he can keep talking! Kids offer a lot of challenges!

  • rutherfranc on Feb 17, 2009

    poor table.. hope you did not put a bump on it when you banged your head..

  • Yovita Siswati on Feb 17, 2009

    It put smile in my face. I give my highest respect to all the teachers!! I can never imagine myself in the situation :-)

  • Daisy Peasblossom on Feb 17, 2009

    I think I had this conversation yesterday–only it was with first graders and we were drawing paper kites.

  • Tabitha Hergest on Feb 18, 2009

    Been there, done that, got the long-sleeved jacket. Only I don’t teach – I get this every day…

  • Morgana on Feb 18, 2009

    Great story…I don’t have your patience. lol

  • Paul Roberts on Feb 19, 2009

    You seem to have pulled all the teachers on triond out,I better check my spelling here. Like the story line,respect teachers.For knowledge is power/not only in the class room. Your fan,smile

  • Dee Gold on Feb 22, 2009

    I hope some of my co-teachers will read this one.

  • Likha on Feb 24, 2009

    That’s why I never dared teach high school. Preschool is wonderful but college is the best for me. I love the intellectual masturbation (oops, sorry).

  • F J McCarthy on Feb 25, 2009

    I think you were already teaching a five year old, maybe three years old , because my five year old has more sense than that poor girl. God bless the teachers for they see our future leaders and still go on teaching,lol.

  • Kate Smedley on Feb 25, 2009

    That made me smile, I don\’t know how you cope!

  • Anonymous on Mar 13, 2009

    Good gravy, you’ve got patience. If it were me, there would have been twin clay statues on either side of my desk by day’s end.
    Great story.

  • Kevin on Apr 10, 2009

    Just a thought, but maybe the kid isn’t the one who needs to learn about sarcasm

  • lol on Apr 10, 2009

    “Oh, Mizz Hintsala? Would dis work better in da rain?”

    hehe those adorable minorities…when will they learn…

  • Annie Hintsala on Apr 11, 2009

    Actually, I am part native american, and I lived on that same rez, so I think it was more of a generational thing than a minority thing.

  • Shari86 on May 5, 2009

    Wow, I’ve taught art to children as young as 3 and they had more cop on than that. Teaching is draining enough as it is without working with someone who is needlessly infuriating!

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