Born in the quaint Yorkshire village of Wedlock (actually just outside Wedlock) in a stable above which many people saw a shining star, which turned out to be the porch light on the nearby Lamb and Flag public house. He is the eldest son of a Russian Aristocrat and a French Countess, 23rd in line to the British crown, cousin of Prince Rainier of Monaco and the Crown Prince of Lithuania.

Massively Precocious he was able to walk at 3 weeks and to go on his first hiking holiday at the age of 4 months (taking a seventeen year old girl with him). He first came to prominence when he was appointed Head Professor of Really Hard Sums at Cambridge university at the age of three. Having already passed 69(ooer) O levels and 52 A levels in Nursery, he obtained a degree in Quantum Physics without studying, by just turning up at the final exams (in a sailor suit).

After a brief career as a secret agent, during which he saved the world a total of six times, including the infamous ”riding the nuclear missile incident” and had a watch that could take ladies dresses off, he Married into the Getty family and became head of several multi-national companies before he was out of short trousers. Headhunted by Microsoft at the age of eight, he single handily wrote the code for Windows, but unfortunately left it on a bus and the second draft was done by ordinary geniuses. A chance lost. Bill Gates calls him “The power behind the throne”. He also holds the record for share dealing, making a sum greater than the national debt, one afternoon when he was at home with the flu.

As a chess grand master he travelled the world in his Lear jet which he flew himself after becoming the only under 12 to receive a full commercial pilots licence (with the best score ever). After the collapse of his second marriage to Patsy Kensit he became an international playboy, breaking the bank at Monte Carlo and becoming world scrabble champion in the same week. He once owned more cars than Ford and General Motors combined. Enzo Ferrari only started calling his cars by numbers after Chris wouldn’t let him name a new model after him. He bought houses in every country in the world, Including Kenya, where his head is still on all the coins and stamps and Grenada, (capital Christown) where he is worshiped as a god.