As my boys grew up I grew up and began to realize that I needed to change things in my life and teach my boys.  I knew I needed to do this but could not.  I was caught up in an abusive relationship with their Dad.  Because of a childhood fear that my family would split up I would constantly try to keep my family together no matter what.  That unhealthy desire cost me a lot even the life of my oldest son.

My boys are grown now.  My oldest son died, November 28, 2004, he was murdered in my home during a home invasion.  My second son is in prison he will be twenty this year.  He loved his Dad so much he wanted to be like him and that is what he has done.  I am proud to say my youngest son has busted loose of the unhealthy lifestyle with me.  He will graduate next year and then he is going into the army. 

Through all the hell and abuse both of us received through the grace of God we made it out.  The scares and hurts are still there but I do not dwell on them.  I move forward each day and pray with each decision I make and now I am healthy enough to help others and my children to travel a righteous and healthy path.

If you are living in an abusive or controlling relationship it is not just you that is getting hurt. It is also all the people around you and especially the children in the family unit.  If you have children in the house they are learning the abusive behaviors and it will be hard for them to change. 

What children learn as a child is en grained into them for life good or bad.  My children are prime example of what I am talking about.  I figured out things to late and the damage was done.  It has been a struggle to rise above the abuse and pain but through the grace of God I have and believe others can to. 

There is help out there if you need it.  There are help lines and shelters.  If you are afraid to get out call your local police department or a find a friend to help you.  Just remember your not alone there is help.