I suppose the word to describe the person I had become would be “jaded”; spent, fed up. I became suspicious, not trusting – of anyone, including myself. I was like a dog that was afraid to reach for the treat because it might get yelled at and slink away with the tail between its legs. My perception of love was that it’s like rain…it either turns to ice, or disappears altogether. I was deeply wounded, and convinced that I would never heal. Returning to work, I held my breath each time the elevator stopped at the 4th floor. And then one afternoon, at the end of my workday, there he was, in front of the building with his now fiancée, holding the door open to the little blue French sports car. However, instead of falling apart, I was jolted into reality. Perhaps this was when I had my epiphany, I’m not exactly sure. I do believe, however, that this surely was the commencement of many eye-opening instances which occurred over a period of time, and which helped shape and mold the essence of the person I was meant to be. The most important lesson learned by my experience was that this insecure, beaten-down, little girl finally realized that she was worth something, and needed to get out there again. To quote from a verse written by Amanda McBroom: “It’s the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It’s the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.” Somehow I knew that I needed to be my own person and move on, hopefully stronger and wiser. I helplessly watched as friends and family made life-altering choices while losing themselves in the name of love. I could only pray that they would learn from their mistakes as I had from mine.

Two years later, in Spring, when I met the person who would become my husband, my metamorphosis thankfully occurred. Maybe this was my real “Aha Moment”…that inner voice that lets you know this is the one? Still, there are no guarantees in life. How could I have known back then that it was necessary for part of me to die so that there could be a rebirth? The woman who now readily accepted an engagement ring was a far cry from that girl who thought it was the end of the world. And so, perhaps the following words can best describe my “Aha Moment”.

Again, I quote from Ms. McBroom:

“When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long.
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong.
Just remember in the Winter, far beneath the bitter snows,
Lies the seed, that with the sun’s love, in the Spring becomes the rose.”