Loss is, without a doubt, an unusually strong word, especially when used in certain contexts. The mixed feelings you tend to experience from losing anything that you treasure greatly are typically such a strong blend of emotions that the average person cannot tolerate them. Anger, fear, and confusion are just a few of the common emotions associated with loss, especially in the case of the death of a close friend or family member. All of these have a tendency to lead to a strong case of depression.

As a young child, I spent most days either at my grandmother’s or my aunt’s house because my mother traveled over thirty miles for work. While visiting with my aunt, I became close to my older cousin Brandi. She was already in school, so I had to wait all day to see her.

When I was twelve, Brandi passed away. She was in a terrible car accident which involved a collision with a tractor-trailer on the highway. Although she was only sixteen at the time of the accident, she influenced me more than anyone else ever has.

We would play together incessantly, and I considered her to be my best friend, from the few that I had. She was more kind than anyone I had ever met, and I felt such a strong connection with her. I don’t believe I had ever experienced such a powerful attachment before.

Following her death, I didn’t know what to do. I was young, and still of the understanding that people lived forever. I didn’t believe that she was gone, and simply refused to accept it. I cried every night for months, and didn’t entirely recognize what had happened for perhaps a year. All through middle school I wasn’t as happy, and felt a deep longing in the pit of my stomach. Knowing that most of my friends possessed the emotional comprehension of a blade of grass, I unwittingly distanced myself from the few I had.

Upon entering high school, I joined various extracurricular activities including my own personal savior­­­, marching band. Marching band gave me an opportunity to meet new people, and in turn my anxiety in public began to fade away. I now exhibit a stronger sense of confidence, even though I can still avoid some people, even friends.

Even after all these years, I still think of Brandi often. She was such a strong inspiration to me and so many others, and I could never forget the wonderful times I spent with her.