In the wake of the summer, actually throughout most of the year, I have come to realize one key important issue about relationships and desire: doom is always the ending result. Now, this doom can be described in many ways, such as blunt brutality, emotional scaring, unexpected responsibility(ies) and distrust in the entire opposite sex. Whichever avenue one goes down, the pain felt by each failed attempt at love is still worse than the one before it.

I bring this topic up because of disgust. I am disgusted at the opposite sex for seeming as if, they alone are all that matters in a relationship. I have been in 8 courtships in the last year, each of them has ended the same, though each guy was not. I have experienced flattery without regard – a guy does anything he can to get what he wants, but also becomes uninterested when that which he seeks is not returned, gained or, like the song: Girls Girls Girls, there is just too many options to just settle on one in this world.

As I think about it, what would make one guy chose one woman, when he has both society and time on his side (note: these options are not available to women). A man can chose to settle at whatever point in his life he feels most deserving, whereas a woman cannot. She is forever bound by time and nature, if she wishes to procreate. Yes, there is the argument of a woman choosing not to have kids, which, in my lifetime, I have run across many who feel that way, however she too is constrained to a social system that deems her to stay in her “place” (note: promiscuity is not in a woman’s place). And, if she does not, well then she’s outcast with a modern day scarlet letter, only she is not the adulteress, she is the whore. (note: Superhead is a prime example of society’s way of thinking).

Now, the age old diabolical of double standards has been driven into the ground, yet, I still see them occurring. One of the men that I dated actually made a case (he was an aspiring lawyer) that a woman was made to clean and cook. The man was built for more physically stressing activities (none of which he had to immediately do, or ever, because he did not own a house).

In response to my refusal to accept his subjective ideologies, he liked calling me “intelligently stupid.”

After experiencing his utter lack of respect in my educated stance (once again believing that as the male he was the dominant creature, which I possibly led him to believe through my will to find a partner, never mind whether that partnership was actually right or wrong) I condoned his abusive language and stayed – living in the role he designated as my rightful place (the ever devoted little woman).

I stayed until I could not take it anymore (a week in total). Maybe his lack of respect hit me so hard this quickly because I assumed he, like all men, were like this. I assumed (like most woman) that he could have been the right man, I was wrong.

In thinking of my mistakes, along with forgiving myself for dealing with his misogynistic ways I have come to the conclusion that all woman need is to stop trusting men. After all, when men meet us, the first thing to come to their minds is benefits for themselves. Now, maybe some women can admit to the same, but for now, to this woman, this line of reasoning seems to be the best.