The day were here, I kept putting it out of my mind, when my grandson came in in hysterics, “grandma, grandpa isn’t answering me, come inside”.  I dropped what I was doing, the day finally had come, he passed away in the living room, 2 years and 3 months after the doctor told him he would only live 2 years.  My life cam to a halt, my dreams for our future had all ended.  I became lonely and afraid.  What will I do without him, I love him so.

My children came, did all the preps and then they all left.  I found myself alone and angry.  Why, Richard, Why did you do this to me.  Why didn’t you tell me this morning and kiss me before you died.  I wanted a final touch from you,  I go to bed at night trying to envision you and wish you would come to me and give me the final kiss.

The night after he died and a few more after that I would go up to bed and actually smell his lotion in my room.  But this was strange, since because for two years he never could climb the stairs and go to the bedroom.  So why did I smell his lotion when I went to bed.  In a way, it is not strange, because we both believe in ghosts and the fact that I could smell his lotion in the room, meant he was there with me.

Everyday I cry for him, as I write this I cry for him, I can’t seem to shake him from my soul.   I earn for his touch, his voice and his smile.  He always was in good spirits and would look defeat in the face.  On the otherhand, I could not face his dying and put it out of my mind.

The months have been lonely and everyday I try to fill it with things to do.  Maybe this is normal to feel, but for me it is a cross that I have to bear until I can finally give in to the thoughts that he is gone and gone forever.  He maybe gone from this earth, but he is never gone from my thoughts.