I laid across the bed tearing out pages from the magazines,  Ms. Louis had given me when I helped her clean out her garage. I had plastered pictures all over the walls. Pretty pictures of women dressed in pretty clothes. Pretty houses and beautiful cars. I even had taped up pictures of tasty food and some sparkling diamonds. These pictures made me feel warm inside – reminded me of everything I didn’t have but also reminded me that one day I could be one of those fine looking women driving one of those fancy Mercedes and wearing one of those three carat diamond rings. I knew eventually mama would scream and complain and made me rip them down when she became angry. It wouldn’t be the first time and it wouldn’t be the last time. Sometimes it felt good just to admire beautiful pricey things even if you couldn’t afford them. I think it made mama mad because she was too old to believe in magic and the pictures were a slap in her face and a constant reminder of everything she would never have in this lifetime.

Granny had told me that dreams made a person strong. My granny was a real smart woman and it tugged at my heart that her health was failing and I was losing a special part of her that had always sustained me though difficult times. She always told me it was healthy to dream, because dreams made a person not content with what they lacked in their lives. Granny told me I was blessed because I had the ability to dream. Granny had always given me what I needed and what my mother could not allow herself to do. Granny was not always so giving, she told me their was a time when she was different, when it was difficult to express her love with my mother and now she was making up for lost time.

“Bernice, Bernice”, I heard granny calling me. Only she wasn’t calling me she was calling my mother. I’m Jade but granny is having a bad day and today I will be Bernice. I get up from the bed and walk down the narrow hallway that leads to the living room. Granny is standing there holding on to the doorway. “Didn’t you hear me. Bernice I’m not feeling well and you in that room playing that music. I hope you not. Cause you know I told you don’t be running up that electric bill.” I nodded my head and moved pass her. “Now I need you to go get some bread. Do you hear me girl. I’m sick of talking.” She’s talking fast and I don’t want to upset her. I understand that sometimes its best to let her ramble and I do not utter a sound. “She goes in her little red coin purse and produces a winkled bill. “Take this, I want four loaves of bed.”