“The cynic never grows up, but commits intellectual suicide.” This statement, once made by either a very wise or a very obscure person, can seem very dark, possibly even cynical within itself. Within it, however, is a positive meaning; a lesson that many pessimistic people should learn. As I grew up, I began to look at things from a much darker perspective. Things hardly had a positive outcome anymore and as I grew older and realized how often this was, I began to have a much more pessimistic view on life and all the things in it. My belief was that if you expected the worst and got the best, you were pleasantly surprised and if you expected the worst and received the worst, it was not a huge let down and you would get over it much easier in less time. My parents, especially my mother, always told me that that was not the way I should be living my life, but of course, I did not listen.

It was not until my tenth grade year that my friends began to tell me how terrible it was. They said it made me look bad. They said it made me look immature. I, at first, did not agree with them, feeling that the way I viewed life was the more mature view because I taught you not to get your hopes up too high. It taught you that diving into life head first, was not always the smart thing to do. With time, though, I realized that my view on life changed the person who I was in general. I was dying on the inside. It started like a bad habit would by making me ugly on the inside; A black spot here and there, if you will. It made me begin to completely think differently. Instead of just thinking of some scenarios in a bad way, I began to think of everything in a darker way. Later on, it started to deform me on the outside as well. Clothing darkened. Smiles were rare. I could not even look up when I walked. Looking people in the eyes became so very hard. Being such a despondent person made others push me away. No one wanted to be around me and in a way, I was committing social suicide. As the tenth grade year drug on, I began to make decisions to change my perspective. I could not continue to live like that. I realized in the long run that I, in general, was not a happy person at all, and others detected that, and that was why they pushed me away.