Listen to Me, and Listen to Me Well

Duff D Moss on Jul 4, 2009

Tags: death cube, flies, fly, humor, velcro, weapons of mass destruction

The future of your world, as you know it, is soon to be changed forever. You have a decision ahead of you. Harken to my message and make your choice.

This should be the least of your worries via Wikipedia

Listen to me and listen to me well, for your very future and safety is direly dependant upon understanding my message. I, Duff D Moss, have decided to take control of the world. I have devised the greatest of all diabolical schemes to ensure I tear control of the entire planet from the feeble grasps of your pitiful leaders. I am not entirely sure what I am going to do with an entire planet yet, but it should make for an interesting hand at high stakes poker nights at the very least. Anyway, I digress.

While the powers that be construct faux wars for power, based upon the dubious precedents of peace, they miss a grand opportunity. They install fear into the hearts of billions with the use of buzzwords such as weapons of mass destruction, terrorists, squealer flu, and random mass mailings of icing sugar. The pathetic citizens of the world suckle at the teat of the mass media and crave the sustenance of psychological slavery. FOOLS!

Bio-agents and nuclear devices are the least of your concern for I have devised a weapon of mass destruction that is so deceptively simple that you will gasp when you read it. You will gasp so loudly that people in the near vicinity will rush over to see what it is that you gasp at. They will then also gasp, causing even more gasping, and an ensuing avalanche of gasping will spread across the civilised world. Once the gasping has finally subsided like a poorly planned Mexican wave at a football stadium, the reality will sink into your brains and you will without a doubt bow your heads and pledge your allegiance to me.

Are you ready? Do you think you can cope with having your mind blown to such a degree that if aliens landed on top of the White-house tomorrow you would not care, because that is nothing compared to what I am to reveal to you? If you are ready then good – I may consider sparing you. If you are not, then I spit on you and you will make great snacks for my hell hounds. The secret…the secret is the common house fly. HA! You didn’t see that coming did you? But wait – how is it that I can not hear a world wide gasping? Can it be that you are so blinded by weekend specials for socks and nose warmers that you fail to comprehend the magnitude of this? Obviously I will need to lay this out for you step by simpleton step.

Pages: 1 2 Next page

14
Liked it

I Like It

Comments (21)

RS Wing on Jul 5, 2009
You are one funny but a bit crazy writer. Again this belly laugh brought happy tears from my eyes….I’m all for it, let’s get too it. How about we make our first targets launched at Bush and Cheney, then head over to Iran, N.Korea, and possibly Pakistan. I’ve already got a hundred or so on board. Sounds like a plan!
Deep Blue on Jul 5, 2009
One hilarious comic relief style terrorizing. Thanks for the amusement mate.
Katie Marie on Jul 5, 2009
I am prepared to fail you my great leader. For the sake of the cause!!
Fegger on Jul 5, 2009
You evil man…but you’re careless to disclose your WMD in such pompous haste….while you await your maggot hatch, our defensive forces are assembling frog brigades at the coast—good luck with your plan, novice!
Ruby Hawk on Jul 5, 2009
Duff, I will not be one to volunteer. Although I do thank you for offering.I will let some other more fortunate person take my place.
kate smedley on Jul 6, 2009
You had me rolling from start to finish, that is sheer genius, I’m off to look for my brown paper bag with purple stripes …
STEVE666 on Jul 6, 2009
Great stuff, Duff—you are without doubt an evil genius!
ladybaby on Jul 8, 2009
FLYS? Who would had thought! I’m for the “frog brigade;.” lol
HelloSiti on Jul 8, 2009
I can\’t imagine if Bruce (D Moss) leads this world.
Johanny Lisbeth on Jul 9, 2009
seriously I had to read this a few times, its just one of those piece of writing that you just have to understand piece by piece.
Damienne on Jul 10, 2009
You are rather eccentric Duff D Moss..but I like strange people. I think Osama Bin Laden would be pi#sed if he found out just how easy it could have been to take-out the twin towers in New York..heinous cretin that he is. Hmmm..New Zealand currency..very wise. This is almost a daring, enterprising idea..but I hate flys..particularly them Aussi flys..hehehe..you are crazy but I like that about ya…Damienne aka Hiho..NIN1971.
Andrew Davies on Jul 10, 2009
I am not sure if I gasped or belched. Can you check the spy cam you had installed in my office?
BullwinkleMuse on Jul 14, 2009
Flies vs. Fegger Frogs, in a steel-cage smackdown! THIS is what Animal Planet was meant to be!
alc on Jul 15, 2009
Awesome!!!!! Very out there and amuzing at the same time!! Great job!!
2Fluent on Jul 20, 2009
So Lord of the Flies…..The fact that you have posted this on here has spoiled it already. The US, British, French, and Japanesse goverments have already seen this. and will terminate your flying magets. well the french wont do anything though…just probably write a treaty or something….on a real note, nice humor pice.
S A JOHNSON on Jul 20, 2009
Hmmm…All Hail Duff D Moss? Lol, you always write things that totally pick me up. Thanks.
Phill Senters on Jul 20, 2009
Carbon Nano Velcro!! You’re nuts, Duff. Keep it up! )
Melody SJAL on Jul 21, 2009
Very funny and enjoyable.
revivor on Jul 23, 2009
totally mad!! – but so was einstein!!
David Crerand on Jul 24, 2009
There is life around the bend, and it’s name is Duff. Hell, I’ll give you a shot at world leadership! You couldn’t do any worse than the current gang of ‘little rascals’.
Johanny Lisbeth on Jul 28, 2009
lol love the sense of humor! great article and perfect title, it truly draws readers’ attention.

Listen to Me, and Listen to Me Well

Hi there!

Find the Spot

Categories