I can remember the last time I felt normal.  I lived for the silly moments of high school and the misjudged intentions of not so true friends.  It neither bothered me nor did I loose any sleep over it.  I was Elaine Davis, daughter of two of the finest people anyone could meet.   Their demons did not affect me at the time.

Growing up I never really had sibling closeness although it was a thing that felt normal at the time.  Being the baby girl I flowed along with any situation the elders required or requested.  I had no voice.  Good little, cute little, inquisitive little Elaine.  Never putting up any defense, spoke my mind whenever I did talk and forgetting what was behind me as soon as it happened.

I long for those days now.  Middle age has been quite an adjustment.  Both parents gone.  No grandparents on either side.  Two of my siblings (brothers) have died, both with cancer, and the remaining four fall to rudimentary arbitration’s with me.  Since I have been concentrating on this most of the 24 years since my mother’s death it would seem I would have a grip on it by now.  I love them but the days that I could have proven  it are now relinquished.

My father drank heavily on a frequent basis and pursued my mother’s imaginary “whatever” when he did.  Thank God it was a family neighborhood; we had places to go when he did.  My grandmother (my mother’s mother) lived across the street and there were nights we would flock to her house after one of the mini series that played in his head.

Eventually they separated after seven children (two stepchildren from another marriage) and over 25 years together.  We moved just one door down and he still brought groceries on payday every Tuesday night.  My mother, being a fine black woman, had two options to her, nursing or teaching.  In her youth she taught school in the country and caught the train back home on the weekend with two of her sisters.  She then, wisely, attended a nursing program especially for black women after I was born.  I had to be at least three before she could participate.  Lucky me I might say.  Already the baby, now to be left alone without a mother’s care except for  two off days at home with me.  She was a trooper.  Only she and one other young lady passed the finals because they did not go out to socialize the night away before finals.  Good-hearted, well brought up, beautiful outside and in mama.