Sin is also sneaky. It lures us into its trap when we think all is well.

Except for the parental arguing I mentioned in the previous account, up until the 6th grade things were going well for me. I was doing great in academics–just about all As.

Of course my parents were proud of that and I added to that sense of parental pride by repeatedly saying I was going to be a research chemist when I was older.

That Sin Nature

However, just like all people, I was born with a sin nature. Like everyone else, I had the tendency to disobey. I also had a tendency to yield to wrong urges.

Railroad tracks used to run through Kearny. Just a few years before we moved to there, trains would take commuters to and from New York City. There were also freight cars, and that was the only type of service running to Jersey City and NYC sometime in the early 1960’s.

My parents told me I should stay away from those tracks and warned of some possible dangers. But sometimes children like thrills, so, without my parents knowing it, I would eventually wander down to the tracks. I can remember how scared I got the first few times the alarms on the automatic road guards went off and the gates came down as a train neared the area. I hastily found a place of safety.

Someone told me if I would put a coin on a track, when the train would come by it would flatten. So, for another thrill, I tried it and it worked. I still have it today.

So these thrills continued. But within our sinful nature, unless we have a fear of what we are doing, we desire thrills, new challenges.

As time went on I went further west on the tracks, away from where the cars would cross them at Forest, Elm, and Devon Streets. There was a opening near a metal fence of Columbia Avenue, which ran parallel to the tracks. Well now, that’s was a little more adventure. I’d go through that opening and take the narrow path on top of a ridge above the tracks and head toward the Kearny Avenue bridge.

Thrills and Urges

After awhile, the thrill from that became old. An idea then popped into my mind. I knew it was wrong. My Dad told me if someone does something like that they are subject to arrest. Then, there came an urge. During those years before Christ, I was prone to give into those urges and, Lord willing, I will elaborate more upon that in the next account. Please check the Peace in Providence index as to the availability of that story which will most likely be titled, The Road to Satanism.

So I gave into the urge, and did so repeatedly. For a number of reasons I will not publicly state what I did, but what I would point out is that though God and true Christians are mercifully forgiving, some, not all, people who do not know Christ will take what they know about someone and hold it against them, especially if that person is a true Christian.

Suffice it to say that what I did many people do it and have done it. Sometimes they, too, get arrested, and sometimes no one complains, or the way that it is done is protected under local law and in some cases there is no law to control it.

In my case, a couple of boys from my school complained. They knew what time I was usually under the bridge.

Arrested

One day, I was walking west on the tracks toward the bridge. I met a few older boys that said I’d better leave. They said, Officer McNeil, the detective that worked on juvenile cases, was in the area.

But that urge was there, at least to go to the bridge–perhaps McNeil would not be there. I thought that this time, to play safe, I will just meet my friends and not do anything wrong. Surely the detective would have nothing to arrest me for.

My two friends were there when I got to the bridge. One started walking up the slope toward Kearny Avenue as the other one greeted me and told me they had another friend that would like to join us. In a few short seconds the other friend came back with an adult behind him. The man approached me, identified himself as Officer McNeil, showed me his badge, and placed me under arrest.

I knew there was no way to get out of this and my mind immediately thought of my parents–what would they think? That was the primary thought on my mind and, as far as I recall, I did not even think about how they would punish me. All I could think about was that I had let them down.

Keep this very well in your mind: Even if your sin is not discovered before people, somehow it will spring trouble upon you.

Does that seem mean to you? I hope not, for, in reality when our sin does find us out, it is because of the mercy of God, of which I will discuss more toward the end of this article.

Officer McNeil placed me in his car and asked where I lived, warning me I’d had better tell the truth or my parents will be contacted and they would have to come to the police station. I told him where I lived. The thought might have gone across my mind to lie, but I told him.

My March of Shame

When we got to my block, every parking space near my house was taken. The only parking space Officer McNeil could find was near the east corner of Stewart Avenue and Chestnut Street.

“Oh no,” I thought. We are going to have to walk past all of these houses to get to my house. Most of my neighbors knew exactly who the detective was. Emotionally, this was the longest walk I ever took to my house.

He told me to sit still as he got out. Then he came to my door, opened it, and told me to get out. Once out, he grabbed the back of my arm in a slight pressure hold and I made the march of shame to my house.

I think my Mom answered the door while the detective still held to my arm. I said that this was Officer McNeil and I ran upstairs to my bedroom (I had my own by that time), closed the door and bitterly cried.

At some point I was asked to come down. Officer McNeil said if I had not shown up at the bridge he would have gone to the school, have the children be assembled, and have my two friends pick me out.

He questioned me in front of my parents which was extremely embarrassing, and told us what needed to be done. If I would not do it, I would be brought to court.

At some point I was allowed to go back to my room. I did not want to come out. I do not remember eating supper that night, and I dreaded going to school the next day.

Mental Trauma

When I did go back to school, I remember my two friends saying hello to me, looking intensely at me to see if I was angry at them or not. The only emotion I had that day, and for a long time, was shame. With a sad look and my head low, I said hi to them.

I was extremely ashamed of myself. When I went home I told my Mom that from now on I wanted to eat in the living room. I just could not sit at the table and eat with them. I could hardly look at them to talk with them, let alone sitting at the same table with them.  
I was overwhelmed with sadness and shame, and my parents knew it. Satan, of course, added more pressure to my mind. One of the things that Officer McNeil said was to keep me away from other children. I felt like I was a walking disease. That command of his underscored the hurt I felt a few years before that when some neighbors thought I was too big to play with their children.

Satan continued to harass my mind, that I was a very bad person. I was the fool of fools. I developed a persecution complex because I was convinced in my mind everyone knew what I did.

I was continually sad and would often walk with my head down. I continued to punish myself by not eating with my parents. I eventually turned the TV on to watch while I ate. As time went on, I snacked more. I began to gain weight.

In school, my grades dropped, so much so I was in danger of failing 7th grade. I just could not concentrate, for my mind was almost constantly badgered by what I did and how I let my parents down.

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