My family and I took a trip to the Dominican Republic to the Club Med resort for a week in March. This was the first time I had traveled on vacation with my family since my divorce. It was my mom and dad, my brother, his wife and their two girls (Lexi 13 and Myah 10) and my son (William 9) and I. I was really nervous about this trip.  What was I going to do while the kids went to their activities and my parents and my brother and sister-in-law had each other?  I felt awkward and alone before the trip even started.  I kept telling myself that there is a beach and I have my books and that is all I need.  Still, I was so nervous.

I tried to sit on the beach and just enjoy listening to the waves and read my book. I sat at the pool and read my book while people frolicked in the water. I was trying to feel liberated. It is very difficult to feel liberated when these young girls keep walking by in their skimpy bikinis.  They have flat bellies and no stretch marks and the men just watch them walk by without blinking.  I was feeling very insecure about myself and lonely.  I needed to figure out what to do to change this into something good for me.

Lexi, my 13-year old niece, was part of the 14 to 17 year old group and they didn’t have much of a schedule so she and I spent some time together. We decided to take out a speedboat (with a guide and another group of people in their own speedboats) and we got to drive it out to the lagoon. We took turns driving. I drove first and the faster we went, the more wind would blow the water into my eyes until I couldn’t see.  It was exhilarating to feel the wind against my face and feel the water sting my eyes.

The lagoon was beautiful.  The water was clear blue and we could see the bottom of the lagoon floor.  The water was shallow so we could stand and swim if we wanted to.  The skies were clear of clouds, the sun was shining and we were on vacation.  My niece so delicately put it as “This is better than boys and relationships. Screw all that!  I could do this forever!”  The feeling was very mutual.