It’s crazy how I have lived my life behind the closet door because I have been scared to say what’s on my mind because I never want people to see me differently just because I have opened up my mouth and said things they might have never thought they were going to hear from me cause I am so quite.

I have always allowed people say what they want to say about me or to me because we live in a country where we can say what we want as long as we don’t hurt ourseveles or others physically. But what people fail to realize is that words hurt more than someone physically harming you because those hurtful words stay with you forever.

Opening the closet door to me is telling people what I feel and not caring about what anyone has to or feels about things that have left my mouth probably for the last time in my life simply because I have been hurt long enough and I have realized that people have not cared about hurting me and seriously I am tired of walking on egg shells just because I don’t want to hurt anyone in my life. First I did not ask to be born she made the choice to have me without knowing I was coming with problems that probably she was not ready to handle but she came through like a real superwomen. But I’m really tired of hearing same hurtful words that I’ve been hearing for the 27 years of my life. I would have been better off without you in my life or I should have let you die when I had the chance. All I can say to do that is I had no say in the matter but trust me if I did I would have never chosen to be born and let alone born with no ability to care for myself.

I’m human but everyone has a hard time believing that simply because I don’t open up my mouth and go around saying I am hurting and I need help so I can stop hurting and I could not allow anyone to get close to me because I don’t want hurt anyone. I am hurting because I have never learned how to say no to anyone in my life and I have never been able to let my feelings out.

At this point in my life I am really hurt because I have given my all to everyone in my life without having the need to ask for anything in return because my true happiness has been knowing that everyone is happy taking me out of the circle of people that are happy. I am not happy because I truly feel in my heart that I have done everything to make everyone happy except myself. Now that I need someone anyone to help me through these dark times I feel like those same people I have tried to make happy for so long in my life hung me out to dry alone because I no longer make them happy.

Fuck them I should have been taking care of myself instead trying to make everyone else happy now that I have dark cloud hurting all over my heart no one gives a fuck about me.