“You are the mother. You should be the one who take care of the kids…” These were the words of my grandmother and aunt (they are my surrogate mothers) before I left San Jose to pursue higher studies in Manila.

In the South World, it seems that such attitude towards the advancement of women is quite normal, but in Professor Clisby’s research, the south and north have in common in terms of the dilemma face when choosing between families and careers. And with that, they may look at the children (or the family) in general as liabilities in terms of career improvement.

My general perceptions of the women of western countries are liberals, career-oriented, and have achieved the gender equality, at least in terms of work. Anyway, liberal feminism, sprouted in the west. Yet, the researches of Clisby changed that. Anywhere in the world, women are still oppressed, not only by men but also of other women (like their traditional mothers, bosses) who remain bounded by stereotypical image of the ideal woman/mother: sacrificing and submissive.

During her lecture, she did not mention, whether the respondents were Asians, mixed race, or English or even their class status. I think, these could contribute to also to the views of the respondents regarding their experiences in education and employment. At any rate, her point was clear; women’s low self-esteem, feeling of guilt and rationalization of their (the respondents) behaviors could result to unhealthy mental well-being.

While listening to her lectures, I could not help but wonder on my specific situation. Growing up without parents may be difficult. But my siblings and I coped up well-enough to grow upright. In fact, the choice of my mother to work abroad, give me a role-model of another way of mothering. Unfortunately, my grandmother and my aunt (a single) could not understand such, thereby taking my attempts in career advancement as negative behavior. On the other hand, unlike other husbands, mine is fully supportive of all my endeavors.

However, I still could not work on full-time basis because I could not entirely trust helps from other family members when it comes to taking care of my children.There is still a paranoia inside me that if something goes wrong to any of my kids, it is my fault.

As a part-time government worker and involve in the ECCD (Early Childhood Care and Development) program, I find my situation ironic, because one of my kids, is supposed to be a beneficiary of that program, yet, he is at home with his father, with no government interventionon his holistic development as guaranteed by the ECCD law. My youngest son is just one of the million Filipino children from 0-6year old whose mothers work either part-time/full time who are not provided with government services such as ECCD not only for the children’s well-being but also for the mothers.