A lot of things are more difficult for those who live as queer in a heteronormative society.  A society that often lacks the tolerance necessary to facilitate equality.  This lack of equality often colors the life experiences of those who fail, or refuse to, express themselves in a manner that agrees with the very strict guidelines for gender performance that define almost every social situation we come into contact with.  There will always be ignorance and prejudice.  I cannot escape this.  However, I can demand respect from all of the individuals I encounter in my life.  I honestly believe that if the expectation of mutual respect is a great enough part of a persons identity, the other people we encounter, with a few exceptions, will succumb to my unspoken demands to be treated as a deserving member of society. 

            I was victimized often in my youth.  Most of my peers didn’t respect me and I eventually learned from them that I didn’t deserve respect.  I was wrong, and after years of being trampled upon by the people around me I had a kind of inner awakening.  I simply refused to be a victim anymore.  The changes in the way people treated me changed within a few weeks.  Did my peers suddenly learn tolerance and treat me as an equal?  Of course not.  But they treated me with respect.  I will always encounter people who do not like me.  My feminine nature goes against a huge set of expectations that many people in this society have about the way people behave.  By ignoring the gender binary I have the potential to infuriate some of the more ignorant and self righteous members of society.  Fortunately there have been only a few occasions during which I feared for my safety.  This story illustrates one of my favorite experiences of discrimination.  This story terrified, empowered, and confused me.  Looking back on it, I can’t help but laugh.

            It was five years ago.  I was waiting for the train to Manhattan with two friends of mine.  We decided to have a “girls night out”  even though we are all boys.  The station was deserted, dark, and ominous.  My friends and I know more than most people that it is vitally important to stay alert in situations like that.  We usually were but we somehow failed to notice the biggest, darkest, most intoxicated man in the world approach us from behind.