Growing up, I have had a lot of tremendous events happen to me which I still have problems coping with to this day.
We pulled into my mom’s driveway and there was wet baby clothes hung up all over the fence that surrounded her porch. It struck me as odd, but I was too overwhelmed with excitement to put to much thought into it. We walked into the house, without even knocking. It was weird. My dad led me straight back to the living room, where my mom was sitting in a wooden rocking chair and my grandparents standing beside her. You could tell that my mom had been crying, a lot. Her eyes were swollen and dark underneath; she had a wet, dark blue washcloth in her hand. My grandmother’s hand did not leave my mom’s shoulder the entire time.
My mom pulled me up on her lap and said with a shaky, sad voice,” Lena, Ashley died.” She broke down into tears again. I stared at her with a dumbfounded look on my face for a moment. I put my hand on her other shoulder, looked straight into her eyes and said,” Mommy, that is nothing to joke about, you should never joke about death.” Mom started crying even harder, and continued to explain to me that she was not joking. I joined my mom in crying. I was devastated. I didn’t know what to think, how to feel, or what to do. I remember asking god, why didn’t he take me instead. After all, I was the trouble child that was causing all of these problems with so many people. A baby only 23 days old couldn’t have done anything to deserve this. If it were me instead, a lot of people would have been relieved. Why the baby? No matter what I tried to do I could not understand it.
My grandparents eventually left, my dad stood in the kitchen by the door and said,” You can stay the night with your mom tonight, she needs you, I will bring you some clothes later.” He gave me a hug and told me he loved me and promised to bring some clothes. You know, my dad never brought me clothes and I never went back to live with my dad again.
The next event I had to attend was my baby sister’s funeral. They had the funeral at Nicholson’s chapel which was the church that my grandparents attended and the church my Aunt and Uncle got married in.
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