In terms off my own identity explorations, I have renounced the virgin/whore complex.  I have an active, happy sex life with people who accept both my bisexuality and my disability.  If someone can’t deal with both of those things they’re not the person (or people; I’ve at times been happily polyamorous.  Polyamory is defined as “the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamorous perspectives differ from monogamous perspectives, in that they respect a partner’s wish to have second or further meaningful relationships and to accommodate these alongside their existing relationships according to Wikipedia) for me.  In my opinion it’s better that I find that out in beginning than after I’ve become attached to them.

Nowadays, I help other people with disabilities explore and reclaim their sexuality from those that seek to control it.  I teach them to honor themselves whole beings, non-heterosexuality if applicable and all.  But I also tell them that whatever their orientation might be it does need to define them anymore than their disability does.

Now, I’ve given you a brief overview of the ways a dismantle the virgin/whore complex as it effects my daily life, I would like provide you with a list of action step you can take to help dismantle it when you see it occurring in your lives.

Make sure your not encouraging virgin/whore dichotomy in your own life.  Be a supportive partner to both disabled people and bi individuals.  Expect good, empowering sex mutually beneficial sex from whatever partner you choose.  Don’t let stereotypes determine your romantic life and/or partner choice.   Be strong within yourself and for your partner.

Ensure that events such as queer empowerment celebrations, meetings, and networking opportunities are be held in accessible spaces, complete with supports such as personal assistance services and ASL interpreters. Disability organizations should be able to assist you in locating appropriate spaces and services on a budget. Encourage advocate to hold accountable those that do not.

Help find the money. Make sure queer organizations have enough funds to rent accessible spaces (they sadly often cost more). Oppose cuts to Medicaid and other disability support programs. Open your own check book to support disability rights and women’s empowerment. If your poor like me, get together with friends to hold a fundraiser!

Support the women, as well the men, who conduct sex positive, disability-centered research and advocacy. Often their work is under-funded and dismissed by both the able-bodied sex establishment (who refuse to realize that disabled people, like everyone else, enjoy sex, want sex, and need to know about sex) and the broader disability rights movement (who feel like sexual rights, while important, must take a back seat to more important issues such as forced institutionalization, eugenics, transportation, and access to public buildings).

Confront biphobia… Sadly many people, even within queer communities, are afraid or mistrusting of bi individuals.  We are perceived as infiltrating the gay world, while at the same time clinging to hetero-privilege.  We are thought confused, even when we are just trying to be our most true selves. 

Support the disability rights movement in general. Add your voice to those demanding full inclusion of disabled people in all aspects of society. Write letters to the editor. Learn sign language or become a personal assistant, so you can volunteer at events like this. Advocate for legislation such as the Medicaid Community Attendant Services Act, S. 683 or HR 1670 as of last I knew, although bill numbers are always subject to change.