Image by zak mc via Flickr

“Where am I?” thought John.

He was laid in what appeared to be a windowless cell.

Then he remembered.

John had been walking along the beach. A strange bright object had appeared above him, and he had been drawn up into the air by a blinding spotlight…

A sliding door swished open and a dwarf-like alien entered. Actually he was a handsome little chap, but his markings showed that he clearly was not from Earth.

“Hello, I’m Nectathern,” announced the dwarf, without ceremony, “and your name is?”

“John Elland.”

“Good. There is nothing to worry about John. I’d just like you to answer some simple questions. Then we can let you go home.”

“Really?”

“Yes John, I promise.”

“Why me?”

“Well, we spotted you earlier, and you looked like an average member of your race. We are conducting a survey.”

“What on?”

“Well,” smiled Nectathern, “I would like to know what you think of the wars that are taking place on your planet.”

“They are terrible!” remarked John, “I cannot condone warfare”.

“What do you think of your enemies?”

“Well, they seem to be a bunch of terrorists…”

“So why isn’t war justified, in your view?”

“Well, I suppose it is, just about, but if we could only negotiate…”

“So you are a man of peace then?”

“Yes.”

“And what if enemy soldiers started to rape your wife?”

“Then I would fight, of course! You must think us very primitive.”

“Don’t, as you say, put yourself down John. But tell me, what would you think if your government chose to use nuclear weapons on your enemy, knowing that they have a nuclear arsenal too?”

“That would have to be a last resort!” frowned John, “in fact it would be very unlikely…”

“Why?”

“Because they’d probably cause a nuclear holocaust and we’d both be destroyed!”

“So that would not be acceptable?”

“No, of course not!”

“Thank you. Your cooperation is appreciated. I will leave you to rest now.”

The alien left, and the door slid closed. John felt quite pleased with himself. He had shown these aliens that humanity could be responsible, even compassionate. We were at heart a peace-loving race.

Soon after, John’s memory was wiped and he was returned to his beach.

Meanwhile, back aboard the alien spacecraft, Nectathern made his report to the captain, Taggran.

Nectathern: “Just like the others sir. Most of these humans abhor war, especially a mutually destructive one fought with atomics.”

Another alien, Greglundun the ‘science officer’, turned in his chair: “Yes, they are all the same. Shame really.”

Taggran: “So we have no alternative then?”

Greglundun: “No Sir, the results are conclusive. This race will never conduct a planet-wide nuclear war. As you know, that means they will never mutate into sophisticated beings.”

Taggran: “We’ll have to do it for them then?”

Greglundun: “Indeed.”

Taggran: “So be it. Give the command to the fleet. They are to drop the bombs, now!”

Paul Butters