I cried that whole night. My world had come crashing down around me and there was no way to repair
it. Charlie had held me and let me sob for awhile, but eventually he helped me into bed and left the room. He
knew my heart was broken all over again, but he wasn’t used to dealing with emotions that much. I didn’t blame him. He was doing the best he could. But I didn’t sleep at all. By sometime in the early morning I had cried myself out, but I continued to lay there staring at the wall. What was the point to my life without Edward? If it really had been months since he left, I should be dealing with it better by now. But my dream had been so real, like it had erased all the pain from before. Now without the dream to shield my heart, all the pain came crashing down with tremendous force. It felt like it was crushing me, cutting of my air. I couldn’t breathe. The hole in my chest ripped me farther apart and it was all I could do to hold myslf together.
     I remembered the nightmares that used to wake me up screaming every night. But even they were
not as bad as I felt now. Then he had only left me once. Now it felt as if he had left again, that it was really over, and I couldn’t deal with the agony. I wasn’t wanted my my beloved Edward and he wouldn’t come back for me. There would be no trip to Italy, and I would never face the Volturi. There was no reason to because Edward wouldn’t be trying to kill himself over me. I wasn’t wanted.
     But a part of my dream came floating back to me. The scene was while Edward, Jacob, and I had
been waiting for the battle to begin against Victoria’s army of newborns. Edward had left with Seth to give Jacob and I a moment alone together. That was when I found out that I loved Jacob, too, and we had kissed passionately before he went off to fight to protect me. I thought of Jacob now. I wasn’t mad at him anymore. After all, he really hadn’t been lying to me in the hospital. I had still been under the power of my dream world. I used to think of him as my personal sun. He had brang warmth back into me when Edward had left me so cold and empty. As I thought of Jacob now, I thought of him much the same way as I always did. But there was something new there. Not just a new found appreciation of him for sticking by me when I was an empty shell, but something more than that. I did love him the way I had dreamed I did. But Edward was always there overshadowing those feelings. He wasn’t here now though, so there should be nothing in the way for me and Jacob. I owed Edward nothing. He had left me without a backwards glace, no regard for how it would shatter my life. I could give my heart to someone else. I could give my heart to Jacob. Jacob wanted me! So I was wanted, and I wasn’t completely alone.
     That thought hit me like a wall. I wasn’t unwantable! I didn’t have to live in agony anymore! At that moment
I knew I had to go see Jacob. I got up out of bed and walked over to my mirror. Holy Crow! I looked horrible. My eyes were red and puffy from crying all night, and there were bags under them from lack of sleep. On my nightstand the alarm clock read 4:05 a.m. It was way too early to drive down to La Push. I decided to lay back down and try to get some sleep. The hole wasn’t ripping me apart anymore, rather it felt like it was slowly fading away. Eventually, I did fall into a fitfull sleep. Although I was on my way to healing, I had been through too much for it to go away that quickly.
     When I woke, it was just after 8:00. I had got less than four hours of sleep, but I did feel somewhat
better. I knew I was majorly in need of a shower, so I headed for the bathroom. I let the hot water run longer than nesseccary, helping to relieve some of the tension in my body. Eventually the hot water began to run out and I turned the shower off before it could spray me with cold water. I headed back to my bedroom. Suddenly, I was nervous about seeing Jacob. I wanted him to know that I felt the same about him as he did for me. But I would need time to heal. The pain wouldn’t go away overnight. I took longer than I usually did on my hair. I brushed it until it shone, and pulled part of it back in a barrett. My eyes were still a little red, but there wasn’t much I could do about that. I put on lipgloss and headed downstairs.
     Charlie was on the couch in front of the tv with the volume turned down so low that you could barely hear
it. He hadn’t gone to work this morning and I felt partly to blame. I’m sure he was worried about me and didn’t
want to leave me alone. When he seen me, he sat up quickly. “Morning, kiddo! How are you feeling?”
      “Better.”, I told him truthfully. “I had a lot of time last night to think things over. I think I’m going to be ok.”
      A look of relief washed over his face and he patted the couch coushion next to him. I walked over and sat
down beside him, where he wrapped his arm around me in a hug. “Sweetheart, I’m so glad to hear you say that! I hate seeing you suffer like you have.”
     “I know.”, I murmered. “Would it be okay if I went to see Jake in a little while?”
     “Sure…”, he replied. He looked slightly curious but he didn’t say anything else.
     I got up from the couch and went into the kitchen to find something to eat. I didn’t feel like taking the
time to make something for breakfast, so I settled for cereal. My throat was still a little sore, but I ate the cereal gratefully. I hadn’t ate much in awhile, and my stomache was running on empty. When I finished, I rinsed th bowl out in the sink. I made sure to tell Charlie I was leaving. No need for him to stay home if I wasn’t here.
     I grabbed my keys on the way out the door and headed for my truck. I felt guilty now for pushing it so
hard yesterday. But the engine roared to life like usual, no worse for the wear. I backed out of the driveway and headed down to La Push. It normally took around fifteen minutes to get there, but I was in no hurry. Now that I was looking closely at my life, I wanted to take the time to appreciate what I had. Sure, my heart had been stomped on, but not everyone had someone like Jacob to fall back on. That thought made me smile. I wasn’t nervous anymore, just excited to see him.
     When I neared the reservation I began to look around. This place felt familiar, sort of comforting. In a way,
after all that had happened, it was like coming home. When I reached Jacob’s house I pulled in and turned my
truck off. He must have heard my truck coming from a mile away because there he was standing smiling at me.
But it wasn’t just any smile, this was my smile! A cold drizzle had begun to fall, but I barely noticed. I couldn’t be any warmer! Without a thought otherwise, I jumped out of the truck running towards him. I readily flung myself into his waiting arms, wrapping him in a fierce hug. He was hugging me back, his face burried in my hair.
     We must have stayed like that for awhile because Jacob’s dad, Billy, cleared his throat from the doorway
of the house. I looked up embarrassed, faintly blushing. But Jacob smiled at me, clearly not phased by his
dad’s presence. He took my hand in his and said, “I’m so glad you’re here! How long can you stay?”
     “As long as you want me to!”, I told him looking up into his warm eyes. It felt fantastic to have my sun back!