Dear Diary,

So, here I am again in Appa’s Kitchen bored and tired. Oh, yeah, I returned GD’s coat which I finished washing after I submerged it in my sweat, drool, and tears. It may sound so strange to others, but I am saddened by the thought that there’s not one thing that connects me with him.

Especially now…

Call me crazy. Loony, or even retard…but I can’t control the feelings I have in my chest. I am trying so damn hard to just shrug this off, but I can’t.

Why is he always on my head?

Why do I keep hearing his voice?

…

I stopped writing and I remembered the last scene I had with him, that was 3 days, 5 hours, 8 minutes and…30 sec—no, 35 seconds ago.

{…

Jiyong waved his hand right on my face. “Are you okay?”

I opened my mouth and shut it close again as I realized I should have my brain do the thinking before my mouth takes over. Remember what happened last night, Dara?

I forced a smile and BOWED.

…}

My hand who was being possessed smacked my surprised forehead.

Okay, people…that’s WEIRD!

{…

“Sorry. I-I…Ihavetogo. Ijustcameheretogivethiscoatback.ThankyousomuchandBye!” I blurted out all in one full breath, handing him his coat and stepped back.

…}

I frowned, no wonder I was panting like a hyper dog after.

{…

He was staring at me with an amused expression. “Oh…okay.” His smile was still on his lips; the kind of smile that I want so much to keep inside my pocket.

…}

But it was the next scene that actually made my eyes teary.

{…

“Bye!” I waved and bowed again, before I turned around. A part of me decided to finally decided that I have something to say to umma. “Bye, Jiyong Kwon…” I whispered.

…}

“Bye, Jiyong Kwon…”

I brought my hand to my chest. Why was my “good bye” seemed to be final?

Why does it feel like I was cutting off my ties with someone special?

I blinked back the tear forming on the corner of my eyes. Why was I tearing up?

God…

Maybe SunYe’s right.

Maybe this wasn’t just infatuation? This wasn’t just all fna girling moment…I stalked him before because I was purely GD fan, right? When did I actually turned this to–

F*CK!

Infatuation my ass!

Didn’t I just admit this like the last time we spent the afternoon together?

Didn’t I just bid good bye as well?

What’s freaking wrong with your head, Dara?

Maybe I should blurt this out. Just get this off my chest for the very last time. Maybe I need to hear it with my own ears with my own voice.

Maybe….just maybe…it will help, right?

I looked around. It was a good thing nobody’s around, especially my evil reincarnate sister Kara. I took a deep breath.

“I…” I paused and was feeling my heart was starting to beat faster and faster. How can blurting this thing out be hard? “L-Love…Him.” God, why can’t I say his name? I again mustered all courage straight from my stomach and whispered, “I love Jiyong Kwon.”

I abruptly closed the diary and stashed it in my bag with my shaking hands.

There! I just said it. Everything would be easier or me to move on. I need to move on…but–I stopped and gulped the painful blockage on my throat.

Why was I feeling guilty about it? Not to mention stupid and silly…and pathetic…yeah, and loser, too.

Even my head was spinning and thumping.

God…I was becoming more and more like a broken player.

Even though how much I hate to admit, but I felt like a broken player.

Dammit!

Why do I keep on repeating about this?

Why can’t I just accept this calmly and try not to do anything stupid and just move on?

“Dara…” I looked up. “Yes, ma…”

“Are you sure about this?” She asked while glancing over my luggage.

Or I can just run away.

This time it’s for real.

This time it’s no turning back.

Moving away would be the best example of moving on, right?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

don’t forget to leave a comment okay? and click I LIKE. thanks!

chap 14