Sandtrap Games
Episode 1
The Crew
[Scene begins on halo 3 multiplayer map Sandtrap. An Elite and a SPARTAN are talking near the Spartan Laser respawn. James, the SPARTAN, is bitching about never getting to fly the glider (Banshee) on patrol.]
James: Tusa, I don’t get it. Sarge never lets me fly the glider on patrol, but you get to fly it all the time. Why?
Tusa: I’m guessing it’s because Sarge knows I’m the better pilot.
James: What?
Tusa: Well, remember your first day? [Go to flashback. James gets in Banshee, and crashes into the radio tower. He then smashes into many other things, until the Banshee is a tangled wreck. Tusa narrates the flashback] You flew right into the radio tower, and damaged it, then you crashed into a bunch of other stuff, leaving the Banshee a wreck, and you blamed it all on the Hippies. It took us three weeks to pound the banshee back into shape, and the radio tower still has trouble.
James: So?
Tusa: So? SO?! [Mumbles incoherently] I fucking hate you.

[Scene switches to near the rocket launcher respawn. Two Spartans are standing there. One of them, Mandy, is blue and white, the other one, Sarge, is orange and black. ]
Mandy: He is such a dumbass. Why do we gotta put up with that asshole?
Sarge: Because, every good team has someone to blame it on when shit goes wrong. He’s our shit-blamer.
Mandy: Can’t I just trick him into the mine field? I could make it look like he walked out there like a dumbass.
Sarge: No. If anyone gets to cause the deaths of our own soldiers, it’s gonna be me. I’ve earned it. I got Sergeants bars. And I don’t see any bars on your shoulder.
Mandy: Screw you.
Sarge: What was that?
Mandy: Screw you, sir.
Sarge: That’s better. Now, go get them slackers and tell them to help you with the radio. Quick, before I make you teabag a live tripmine.
Mandy: Sir, yes sir!
[Scene returns to Tusa and James, who are discussing the merits of human weapons versus covenant weapons.]
Tusa: Take the Plasma Pistol for example. It can drop shields in a single shot. The Magnum can’t do that.
James: Dude, every time one of your plasma weapons runs out, you gotta go find a new one. And they overheat, and they can’t get headshots.
Tusa: Not with all of them. The Needler-
James: The Needler sucks man. What kinda people put pink rocks in a gun?
Tusa: You can’t help the color; it’s the only kind of crystal that works like that.
James: Seems to me that you’re just gay. ”Oh, check out my big pink rocks!”
Tusa: Cockbite.
James: Alien ass rammer! Zing!
[Mandy walks up.] Mandy: Sound like you two are feeling sexually inadequate.
James: Sexu-? What the hell? I’m a fucking supernova!
Mandy: No, you fuck rocks. Geophile!
James: You said you would never tell anyone!
Mandy: Too bad.
Tusa: Geophile! Ha! Classic. So, Mandy, what’s up?
Mandy: Sarge wants us to try to fix the radio tower. And, by us, I mean me and Tusa. James, Sarge wants you to report to a live tripmine for teabagging.
James: Fuck that!
[Sarge walks up]
Sarge: What was that?
James: Fuck that, sir.
Sarge: That’s better. Now go fix that radio dish. Command is sending us some supplies and a new recruit.
Mandy: Godamnit! Another rookie?!
Sarge: Yes. Hopefully one that isn’t as annoying as this one.
James: Hey, what the fuck did I do?
Tusa: Shall I get the list?James: