A very fun to read, new parody of a true writing classic. A novel full of innuendos and plot holes thought, created, published, and ruined by me.

Any resemblance to anyone and/or anything past, present, future both living, dead and/or fictional / invisible friend is purely coincidential.

Chapter One

Hysteria Lane is the most famous street in the wizarding world as it is where Pigzits is; Pigzits is the American chapter of a similar famous school located somewhere near London. The school offers some great courses among which Rubbing Your Wand 101, Magical Creatures and How to Hump Them – advanced learners course, Divine Urination and many more.

Shaven Popper was a young relentless little spoiled brat who was abandoned by the pack of wolves that raised him because he was starting to act to stuck up. A young quite promiscuous house elf, Gazelle Soliz found him at the outskirts of Hysteria Lane covered in wolf feces. She brought him back home where he was bathed and neutered back to life. Gazelles neighbor Fishnet Bravo walked in and saw the young naked baby boy, who happened to have an M shaped scar right across his forehead. His new adoptive mother decided to lie to him for the rest of his life by telling him that he was wounded in Vietnam while coming out of a Micdownalds and bumping his head against the restaurant logo on the door knob.
Years passed and Gazelle along with her best friends Fishnet, Breeiing, Needie and Suzy all tried to make Shaven’s life as ridiculously impossible as humanly imaginable.

One day while surfing the net for elfish porn Shaven heard a noise against his window, it was a giant magical Pigeon. The poor blind bastard smashed against the window several times before giving up and deciding to ring the door bell like every other normal person. Shaven ran down the stairs at the speed of smell flung the door open and only then realized that he was wearing nothing but his Wonder Woman tidy-whiteys. The pigeon looked at Shaven with a look of regret nd said “ru-ruu-ruuuuuuuruuu” (roughly translated: oh my God what did I get myself into).
Shaven picked up the pigeon which promptly defecated on his hand, Shaven, who also suffered from adhd (highway to distraction, baby YEAH!) tried to throw him across his yard, but being the magical wimp he is he only managed to throw him against his porch.
The Pigeon had a roll of toilet paper taped to his arm (yes his arm, i said it was a magical pigeon didn’t I?). The paper read:

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