Just felt like speaking my mind right now.

So far, life seems a bit fucked up for me. I know other people have it far worse than me, but a shit life still spells out the same no matter what. I figured this would be a nice place to just vent cause I can’t talk to my “friends” about it. If you take the time to read this or not or comment, that will be much appreciated, but I don’t care, I’m just venting.

So my wonderful life pretty much went down the tubes by the time I hit 8 or so, maybe younger. My father was the worse. I would ask him to help me out with math, and he would hit me, and then send me crying to my room because I, for the life of me, couldn’t figure out what something simple like 8 divided by 4 was. On top of that he also was hitting around my sisters and my mother while also spending little to no time at home, and when he was home, he would park his big backside onto the couch to watch television. There is also the little league baseball experiences I had with him. I absolutely sucked at baseball, or any sport for that manner, because he never taught me anything, he just yelled at me and made me pick up the ball if I couldn’t throw it directly at him! A few years later he decides to connect with his 15 year old son by playing basketball, which he also never taught me. I got frustrated with it, asked to go home, and on the way there, he basically said I sucked at sports and to concentrate on studying because that is probably the only thing I would be good at. I didn’t want to hear that, especially from my dad! I don’t want to hear that a young teenager should just give up on sports entirely. I will admit, I cried a lot cause I couldn’t impress him or anything, and I even tried to kill myself because of it (on top of other problems that I will describe). I, for some reason, thought I could drown myself in a bath by resisting the urge for air… didn’t work. After a few days of depression, I decided to teach myself how to play basketball and baseball. I still suck enough not to get on the team, but good enough to know what I’m doing. Today, I hate the living hell out of him and I pray for the day mom leaves him, which won’t happen for a long time due to problems. He is now realizing he did nothing with his kids for the past two decades and he is trying to reconnect with us, but he is doing a half-assed job at that and I won’t play along because he missed my childhood, he blew it off.

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