Unexpectedly realized a dream that no one ever thought I’d become.

I was checking for new teasers of upcoming dramas this fall and I bumped into this one. It’s another medical show among the several others. One edge this show is it’s relatable compared to the other series. It has a youth edge where high school students could dream something this high. When I was watching it I had this question on my mind, “What if?”. BUT then I remember few months ago when I accompanied my aunt and cousin to my alma matter. For me, it was not that hurtful at first but slowly as I began to realize a lot of stuffs then it started to hurt. The exact words were “Wag mo nang pangarapin pang maging doctor, isipin mo yung gastos. Tama na para sa papa mo.” (Don’t even think about being a doctor. Think about your father’s expenses, that’s enough.) I just kept quiet there inside the car and smirk. I only gave a short reply that somewhat agrees with her. My cousin on the other hand was very supportive in a way.

As months go by, I did not think about it until last month that I was so frustrated with my career. Working as a nurse here in the Philippines is not that rewarding. The only thing that keeps you going are your patients. It’s not a career that could build you a house or even satisfy your needs. That’s what nursing is in this country. No wonder why a lot of nurses goes abroad for greener pasture. I felt no progress on what I do and my chances to go abroad are getting slimmer. My lola delivered me a bad news in regards with the help that I’m asking from my aunt, to use their connections to promote me. Well, my aunts won’t help me and gave a bunch of stupid reasons and I do hope that they’d shut their mouth up when it comes to a possible discussion with this matter. I don’t wanna blame people for leading me to this path but I’m so hurt that I could burst up anytime. It was so hard since I’ve been going to work and talking with my students (I work as a part time english tutor) as if nothing was wrong but everything is fucked up. I’ve got no one to talk to so I keep most of it inside. I’ve got only a handful of friends who’d listen well to me and focus on my problem only (some would insert their problems during the conversation and next thing we’re talking about their problem).

I just hope and pray that everything will go well and that I’d reach my dream someday. It was just fun imagining myself as being a doctor even though that it’s gonna be a rough path. I’m very ambitious but I know my limits. Now, I just need to patch up my life and stay away from the things that would remind me of such wound. It will take time but hopefully I’ll heal and would be able to face them again.

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