Chapter 2

Having a baby at 20 was one of the worst experiences id ever had, the result was a beautiful baby boy. As far as Sex was concerned I wanted nothing to do with it ever again!

I struggled through the next years having found myself a Man who thought more about the mechanics of a car than he did the welfare of his Woman and Child, Marriage was mentioned but didn’t happen, so I had also to live with the shame that id had a child out of wedlock, two actually, Id had a Little Girl three years later, and in that who three years I was no better off, Id manage to find us a furnished apartment, My Uncle John loaned me the deposit on it, I don’t believe he ever got that back, In the back of my Brain somewhere I knew that we deserved more , not this constant battle to survive, No way would he part with his money so I was force to find a part time job to make ends meet , the more I struggled the further my emotions went away

Six years went by, waking up one morning   I knew that enough was enough, I had a man who didn’t care, id been Father and Mother, The love had flown from the window a long time since, I wanted out, or shall I say, I wanted him out. At Twenty six I’d grown up finally, My Idea of a perfect relationship didn’t exist, Telling Him made me stronger, I wanted him to see where he had gone wrong

Finally he saw what he was about to lose, but to late, any love that may have been had disappeared. But was it Love? I now questioned the relationship I had ,

Id never experienced tenderness thoughtfulness, making Love I couldn’t call it that, just simply his own gratification, I knew no better, as far as I were concerned this was how it was supposed to be. Well! He could keep it I will survive alone.

Getting him out of the flat wasn’t difficult, finding the courage to tell him was, he begged and pleaded and promised it would all change, I wouldn’t listen id got tough.

The next year was the hardest, Id moved to a larger unfurnished apartment, the few pieces I had were not enough to fill it, and no Carpet to cover the floor. Is this the way my life was supposed to turn out? I felt so Lonely, No Money No Man just two hungry mouths to feed. I had to do some thing.

My Son cried for his Daddy, he couldn’t understand why he wasn’t there, he would stamp his feet in temper, scream for me to fetch his Father back, But having him back was to late even If I’d wanted to, already he had found another and had moved in with her, So Much for the Love he had for me

Next door live two young woman with Babies  there was six children between them, I could tell they had come from good Homes, their Voices were educated college possibly University types, They took a liking to me and over the next year we became friends, who would have imagine that the following year at the age of twenty seven, one of these happy fun hippy type Girls would be dead from drugs leaving behind three beautiful Children ,

I had Grown up my innocence gone, now I was faced with the reality of what the world was truely about, It wasn’t all Happy Ever After, No I was alone , My Mother was to busy wrapped up in her own life to see what was becoming of her Daughter any cries of help from me were left on deaf ears, I was on My Own.