I could never bring myself to hang up the phone, I sat there gazing at the kitchen cabinet, I remember thinking to myself; tomorrow I have got to get that grease stain off that cabinet door. She continued to and I continued to unpack the frozen meat. My acts may seem ironic; but they were actually the actions of a woman that had experienced this for so long that now, I was just waiting for something unusual to happen. For the sake of her protection and the protection of my sons (their 2 children) I will refer to her as IVORY. Ivory asked me, “Do you want to see proof”? This was a first. I agreed t meet with here at a store about 10 minutes from my home. This would be the second time that I would look at a child and know that my husband father this child and I was not the child’s mother. I met Ivory as promised, she appeared smug and confident. She knew what I didn’t at that moment. She knew that her child, her 18 month old son was father by my husband.

She knew that her son was only two months older that our third child. She knew that for 18 months they held a secret that I didn’t know, they were acting like a family. I was approaching a storm that he and she orchestrated out of pure evil perversion and selfishness. It was not about the child, it was about lust and the desire to destroy. I was introduced to a child, a beautiful 18 month old baby boy. He was innocent, full of joy and promise and just as much a victim as I. You may ask, “How is he a victim”? Well, he did not ask to be born out of their lust. Every child deserves to both parents active in their lives. No child deserves to wake up one day and find out that they have brothers and sisters across town and that their dad (in this case) was married to another woman when his mother (in this case) was the mistress. What kind of message is that sending to the child?

Her son was not the first. There was another. Several years before this dreadful night, my ex-husband sat me down and told me a story of how he had slept with another woman. This woman and her husband found us living in Pennsylvania and wanted to confront him. The step father knew that the little girl was not his. This family was a member of the church we pastured in Germany; they lived in my home, slept in my beds and ate at my table. She and I were pregnant at the same time little did I know that the child she was carrying belonged to my husband and not hers. My ex-husband betrayed our vows, his duty as a pastor as well as the code of the military. This beautiful young lady is the same as our second child. Can you imagine how I have felt all these years? Well, this confusion will only get worse as all of these children grow up and begin to add things together. Questions will arise about the relationships between their father and these other women. The depth of that goes deeper than the youth of his mistress. Thus the pain repeats itself again and again.

As I approached the vehicle I could barely feel my legs, I started to feel again. The damp air, the chill of the dew touching my face, Oh God; I tried desperately to pull myself together. I am the wife, I have al the rights. I tried to pray but there was a lump in my throat that hurt with every swallow. I knew I had to maintain what millimeter of dignity I had remaining. I extended my hand and introduced myself; it was at that moment I realized that I knew this woman. My heart began to race, my head was spinning and my palms were sweating. I stepped up into the van and sat next to a smiling bi-racial baby boy. The knife thrust deeper as I looked into those big brown eyes of his. I say something. I saw the face of my two children. I knew the eyes, the smile, I KNEW it all so well.