So day two of my diary and i must say that the first day has already had a few views, which i am truly thankful for.

So lets get started.

My sleep. I told you all yesterday that my sleep is often broken by dreams or night terrors. Now until i was 17 these used to make me wet the bed, as they were reenactments of bullying from school. Now i know that 17 is quite an old age to still be bed-wetting but i got so scared and could not help it.

Today I had another dream, it is a constant dream that takes place in the same spot. I am running through the woods and i travel up a path, and come to a stone high wall. Here the details become vague, i know that i fall from the wall but i am not sure whether i am pushed or whether i jump. I have no idea why i am running and if i am running what i am running from, but it scares me so much that just before i hit the ground in this dream i awake, sweating and shaking violently.

Now here is the bit that scares most people. When i was 14 i was bullied so much i went to a railway bridge and stood on top of it about to jump, but my friend who had seen me run off from school, came to find me and after a long talk i came down, a year later i tried again, this time i would chicken out, without his help and my doctor and counsellor say that this dream is that bridge. They are not sure. I no longer have suicidal thoughts, as i am out of that environment but i still get really nervous.

Today i had to go to the shop again, to buy an envelope and a cash book, a kind of book to record all transactions, i stood in the line to go to the post office section of the shop, you see it is in two half’s a shop at one side and a post office tucked away in the corner. As i got there she told me i was to pay for them at the shop counter and not there. My heart seemed to race as if i had just been told off, she was not nasty, in fact she seemed kind even apologetic. Why did i feel so nervous though?