Later that day i as confronted with a problem that i hate, i think we all feel the same way.

Cold callers! they really make me nervous, and i shake uncontrollably even to the point that today i dropped the phone! This guy would not take no for an answer and i got really nervous and dropped the receiver and had a hard job to stop my shakes to pick it up. I hate talking to people on the phone even uncles and aunties that i have sen for sometime i just hate it. I had to ring up today to organize something for my grandfather, and usually i work on a principal that, i only have to talk to them for a few minutes and never have to meet them so they will not know who i am, and that stops the nerves. Not today. I have taken 6 calms tablets today the full dose i can take and i feel awful, shaky, nervous, stressed and scared. You see i turn 20 in four days and i am no better, what if i am like this for my life and it never stops?  who is going to want me?

So now to your questions. A lot of people have been asking me the question,

What is your true personality if you did not have the one you have taken from your friends?

The answer is simple I don’t have one or at least i don’t remember what it is. You see for 8 years i have hid my true personality since the bullying started getting worse and more violent. So in that 8 years i have not been myself but snippets of someone else. So whatever i was has gone and i don’t think it will come back. I hate the fact that i can’t remember me, and i hate the fact that i have to be someone else all the time. I feel like a cheat a fraud even to those i love, even my parents i am not me around them. I am what i think they will expect, i have no idea why i am that person around them but i think it is just a continue of how i am around others.

So that is it for today i will be back tomorrow and hopefully i will have some questions to answer and day three of my anxiety week.  Thank you for reading!