I can’t stop thinking about him. Loneliness consumes me. I was supposed to have a date tonight but was relieved when he cancelled. I guess I just felt awkward going on a date and talking about my ex the whole time. My friends tell me that I will eventually move on and find someone else but I don’t believe them. It seems useless right now because whoever comes next will be second best in my life. I am suffering from a broken heart and it hurts terribly. I am on a roller-coaster with him, seeing him from time to time for a love-making session and texting him almost every day. I have never felt so much pain before and getting over him seems impossible. The trouble is I am not exactly sure how to do it. I have a feeling that seeing him and obsessing over him is not going to do the trick. The last man I was in a relationship with, it seemed I was over him instantly. That probably had to do with the fact that I wasn’t in love with him and I don’t think I ever was. He on the other hand has never gotten over me and it’s been over 2 years. This does not give me a lot of hope. I have this feeling that I must move on the hard way, staying away from him and taking care of myself. I wonder what is in store for me ahead. All I know is that when I think of living the rest of my life with my ex, I see pain and hardship and misery. The trouble is, that is what I am going through now. I doubt myself every day about whether or not I made the right decision and I keep changing my mind, sending him on a roller coaster too. He doesn’t know what he wants but from what I gather he kind of sort of wants to get back together. Some days I wish he hated me which would make this all much easier. I need a lot of strength now if I will ever get through this. I am sitting here crying but writing this down has made me feel better already. I have amazing friends too that have helped me every step of the way. I don’t know what I would do without them.