I no longer see the sense in waiting. Perhaps someone reading my chronicles can relate, can even give insight into what may be going on. I’m trying to be patient, but the pain and depression are really taking their toll. I am waking with anxiety every morning, grappling with the fact that I am no longer Superwoman.

I don’t want to dive right in and tell you where I am now. I feel like the best place to start is at the beginning. I was 29, not in the greatest health (I’m overweight and not particularly active), but I wasn’t in the worst of health, either. No diabetes, not yet diagnosed with high blood pressure. I understood the importance of regular physical activity and a good diet (I did enjoy cardio kickboxing and yoga), I just didn’t always follow along. Anyway, my journey began with a simple inability to lie on my left arm at night. The sensation was different from the “sleepy” feeling one’s appendages might get from restricted circulation – it didn’t just tingle, it HURT. I was a patient at a residency clinic at the time, and as such my problem wasn’t really addressed. I can’t even remember the reason they gave me when it was just pain in my arm.

I dealt with the pain (of which no pain reliever would help) because I had other options. I could simply lie on my right side and all would be fine. I could also not do so much lying (I did say I was pretty inactive), but I guess I took for granted that the pain would remain isolated to its current location. When the pain migrated to my chest, then, I decided to go back to the clinic.

The residents I saw all said that it was my GERD acting up, and gave me my usual prescription for Prilosec. No one seemed concerned about the continuing pain in my left arm, which was now more constant than before (It wasn’t just happening at night any more). The frustrating thing about my “treatment” was that it was happening at this clinic. I chose this location years before because it was close to home and right next to my favorite hospital. I didn’t know until it was too late that it was a residency clinic, and that I’d only have my assigned physician for three years at maximum. I’d just gotten one who I really liked, but she was only available one day a week; this meant that if I needed to be seen, it’d most likely be by the sick doctor available that day. I was seeing too many different doctors who did not have a connection with me, so I was becoming frustrated.

When the pain in my arm and chest began to worsen, I called for an appointment with my assigned physician. She was unavailable right then, so I was told to call back in a couple of weeks when the new schedule was available for the next month. I did, and was then told that her residency was up, I’d have to choose a new doctor, and that none of the doctors there were available for a month and a half. I lost it (unfairly) on the receptionist who said that she understood, even sympathized. I accepted her apologies and let her know that I knew it wasn’t her fault, but I couldn’t help but be frustrated at the set-up of the clinic, and would be looking for another physician.

As it turns out, this was the best choice to have made. I lucked up on a doctor who has been diligent and understanding, and who has a great sense of humor. He is the one who has taken my issues seriously, and is working tirelessly to find out the cause of my pain. I am grateful for his attention, which I will detail in part two. Thank you for your ear.