“For every blow of the wind in the wilderness is the pain that flourish brought by the weakness”. This is quotation that serves as a living proof that maturity does increase responsibilities.
I thought that being just blissful and breathing with my family, acquaintances, relatives, colleagues and mentors is the essence of life. But I knew that this perception is erroneous. Because a jiffy when I was sitting behind the confusion of many people, I discovered that I’m not persuade of what I contain. How do I say so? First, there is no peace and orderliness in the government. Secondly, we are not complete as a family in our amalgam coz my father is working abroad. Thirdly, I do not find peace of mind in our country, in my family, in school and even in my own self. I’m not contented of what I have coz I do not have anything; I do not have the looks, the body, the intelligence, the talents and even benevolence.
But, I want to be someone! A distinct individual made unforgettable by his good works during his epoch. But how can I? I’m fragile and I do not have impertinence in showing myself to everybody. I’m afraid that people will just make fun of me coz I do not have self-confidence and reliance on my own efforts. And even with my love life, I’m always a failure that’s why sometimes I’m thinking that, “Maybe I’m worthless victim of other’s curse, that’s why I’m all alone walking without source”.
Sometimes I’m asking God, Why do I always fail and I do not have trust in myself? Still, in the middle of my affliction, I stay calm and cool for I remember one thing about what our instructor in chemistry told us. That we must walk with God in everything we do and in everything we want to do. So, though I’m so problematic and I have so many crumpled things to polish. Still, I smile and laugh at the front of everybody, for him or her not to be informed of my grief, as if I do not have any dilemma.
Many times, I’m thinking that I’m a coward who is afraid of facing the truth about life, about everything in this cruel world. But in my loneliness, I knew something that I’m not the only one suffering. It is everybody who is suffering and even God himself during his epoch being human, suffers so much than anybody could suffer. It is when he was nailed in the cross for the salvation of humanity.
And now I’m just enchanting that event as my inspiration in continuing my journey in searching the true me, true happiness and in seeking the realm of God as well.
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