It was past eleven, last night of July, when I intend to surrender this borrowed life. I can’t help myself, the pain is too strong. It flows through my veins and it hits my heart. It covers my mind and it veils my soul. I was then about to commit suicide…

            I received a text message forbidding me to care. It points out that the one I truly love is courting the unfamiliar. It was unusual and I never thought of this thing to happen. I was informed before, that this lad is into God’s holy vocation.

            I trusted this best friend of mine, telling every detail of my strange feelings.  I tell every beat of my heart, the edges of my life. It was an ultimate experience of my love life. But, it was my best friend who was involved! I seemed to be a turncoat of friendship.

            I never assume be loved and be given special treatment because of what I’m feeling. God knows that I only want to let this feeling out, for I myself don’t like what I’m sensing. I can’t even accept my own identity, believing I’m a cursed sinner.

I know how good my best friend is, so I ask for his help and understanding of the situation, but it appears that he doesn’t care. Instead, of letting me heal and allowing me to move on, he let me down more. No more talks, no more conversations, no more encounters, and worst he opens his heart to somebody else.

            This lad says, “This is the best chance for you to move on”. It felt so numb as if I can’t move and there’s no escaping, that the only thing I could do is to flee by dying.

            It seems to be the darkest part of my life! I thought I will never be given a chance to write another piece like this.