{Data encryption: ::Enabled:: Please proceed to User-name and Password for access…}
{Name: Kos’Ruk}
{Password: ******* Access- Granted}
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I’m awake I’m alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it’s my time
I’ll do what I want ’cause this is my life
Here, right now!
I’ll stand my ground and never back down
I know what I believe inside
I’m awake and I’m alive

Kos’ruk stared down at the new data pad and smiled a little. Yes, she’d spoiled herself good this day, the data pad had cost her a good chunk of money, but dammit it was worth it. It came with all sorts of bells and whistles and after seeing a friend of hers, the encryption on it was nearly flawless. It was a shiny black color and it was without a scratch. She turned it over in her hand, it even came with a little camera that allowed her to send videos to other people or record little things.  It actually gave her a little thrill of excitement and she was happy to have spoiled herself. She hadn’t told Lazo that she’d bought it- she’d tell him later, she promised herself.

Right now it was hers and she hugged it close to her before setting it up with her user name, password and then the extra encrypted password. She smiled a bit, the skin tight around her face as the scars on her face were still healing and the nerves were still trying to recover. Biting her lip she tapped onto the data pad, her cybernetic hand and her real hand responding to her commands. She set up the audio and video feed, tapping at the commands and then sat back.

She sat with her back to the fountain, the soft glow of the monitor as it was propped up on a pillow, casting her face with a bit of an eerie glow, giving her eyes the appearance that they were glowing themselves. She tugged on one of the many braids adorning her head and bit her lip as she rocked a bit in place.

So, this is my new journal.  I have to be a little quiet because Lazo’s sleeping- guess I wore him out.  Cuddling tends to do that to the poor guy, I think I’m a living stuffed Bantha doll for him. He curls up with me and conks out.  We spent most of the day together and we just enjoyed each others company.

She pauses and chews on the end of her hair, the ears drooping and giving her a bit of a sleepy and slow look.

I had my first real training session today and it was one that was a real learning experience. There wasn’t any idiocy, preaching or even posturing. It was straight out and out teaching and my Master was attentive to my abilities- not his. He paid attention to what I needed to learn, not what he felt I should learn.  He’s a lot like Raiyden in that way and focuses on what I have at my disposal.

But he also pushes my abilities. For example today he had me reach through the force, reach out and grab one of the fish in a fish tank that was in front of us. I was told to hold it and keep it there for a few minutes, keep it and feel the life through the force. I kind of kriffed that one up though and ended up squishing the fish and shattering the tank. I ended up soaking his mate and half the living room.

She made a face and squinched her eyes, grimacing as she recalled the soaked dressed on her friend and the flopping fish all over the floor. She sighed and opened her eyes, looking a bit rueful.

I was told to kill the fish I squished. The thing was suffering anyways, it was weird but I didn’t really think about it. I just… reached out with the force and.. pop. That was it. The thing died and I now owe my friend and master  a new fish tank. I feel kind of bad because I made a mess but he didn’t seem to mind too much.

Master..I.. kind of have always hated that word. It just… grates on me. Grates on my nerves to think I’m subservient to someone else who thinks they’re more superior to me. That just because I’m learning from them I should sound grateful and call them ‘master’. Maybe that’s the Bothan in me…the primal side of me that dislikes the idea of having someone or something feel superior.

I call him sir. He’s not complained so far so I think he finds it acceptable.

The only thing that really happened was during a session was that I didn’t complete crushing something and he zapped me in the leg. That hurt a little and I admit, it scared me. A lot..

More than it probably should have. I just keep having …

I don’t want to talk about it. Not my first entry here.
 
She looked away from the data pad as a sound of a soft murmur could be heard a little ways away.  She tells Lazo to go back to sleep, that she was just catching up on something. She speaks for only a few more moments in a quiet mumbled sound before turning back to the data pad.

Things are off kilter, they feel uncertain and I can’t help but feel like I’m spinning circles  in the air. Tail spinning, spiraling out of control to a destination I’m unsure about. So many conflicting emotions, so many thoughts that run through my head.

I confide in Daofi a lot about certain thing- things I’m not sue Lazo would understand.  I don’t know if Lazo would understand. Maybe I’m not giving him enough credit. I dunno. But … Daofi I can sit and talk shit that I know he understands, I know he won’t flinch at and can relate to. He’s been teaching me how to shoot better and I guess I’ve started to see things his way a bit more. Him and Lamythia are both knowledgeable about shooting, killing and not thinking twice about it.  I’m sure the crew talk about it but that can’t be helped. I admit, I care for Daofi, but he has someone and I won’t interfere on that even though I do have Lazo’s permission.

I’m alright with that. For now he’s a confidant I can go to and say “you know what? This shit blows.” I can be brutal and frank and nasty and crass and he doesn’t care. We can sit and talk about Lamythias situation without a ton of people butting in and talk privately about our options. Speaking of, I’m waiting for information on that guy Daofi asked me to look into. Poe came back from Nar Shaddaa and we briefed him on what was going on and said he’d give us two days.

I can have it in a standard day. He honestly has no respect for my skills to obtain information. He hired me for it and yet he has yet to utilize me. Daofi was the one who told me to use what I had and get to work. Dao is the one who’s asked me to help find people or use my contacts to find this or that. Nobody else has, and that’s supposed to be my kriffing job.  Yeah it irritates me.  I think he’s scared of me to be honest.

Lamy’s missing though and we were talking over comms. I thought about saying we should pool our money in case the consortium comes after us and starts asking for the money they’re owed. Even though we have no idea how much is actually owed- can’t be that much. I’m sure between all of us we could put in a nice sum if we needed to; though Lamythia would eat our faces when she could. It would be enough to get her and her brother Dia out of danger.

She paused and leaned back. For a long while she just sat there rocking back and forth, back and forth the repetitive motion seeming to help her focus. She closed her eyes as she rocked her fingers reaching up to touch the scar along one side of her cheek, feeling the pinched and wrinkled flesh devoid of fur. She opened her eyes slowly after about two or three minutes of this. She blinks down at the data pad and resumed speaking as if only a few seconds had passed by.

I miss her. I miss her a lot and I’m afraid of losing her. I remember when I first ran into her in Red Sands. I was going through my old journal, remember what it was like to meet her. All I remember is seeing her hip the first thing. Then mountainous breasts, then finally Lekku. Mostly boob though. Cause I couldn’t crane my neck around those sonsabitches.

I remember her telling me about Drae’vyn and giving me his saber.

I remember a lot of things, I remember… th- saber..

Kos’Ruk’s eyes shift upward and she seems to stare off at something for a while. The rocking begins again and she makes a soft humming noise as she does so. Her body moving at a slow and steady pace. The camera focuses on it for a while until the auto-save kicks in and the power shuts down into stand-by.

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