Diary entry number 1: New Year 2009

Date: 01/02/09 Mental attitude: bleak

Dear Diary:

I am desperate.

And a housewife.

( That Blume book started “Dear Lovey Hart, I am desperate”, and I wanted to make my first entry like this).

My husband has been gone for about 4 days now. He went to Tennessee to see his parents. I spent the week in pajamas mostly when not working. I also went to my high school alumni website and face book this week. Big mistake. (BIG one!)

It appears everyone but me is wildly successful or just wild. I am the only person without an ex-spouse, kids, a dream job, and thin thighs, I think. Also, I might be the only one with 3 cats, a lost (covered in paperwork) kitchen table and a stalled career. Plus, it seems I’m be the only one with 2 jobs- Meijers Meat Department part time and Substitute Teaching. Wow, my life sucks this year, same as the economy. Everyone else on the web I know is apparently doing great.

It’s been real quiet here since the spouse left. My niece refers to my husband as “the uncle who makes funny noises” ( he also talks in a duck voice to her, which 5 years olds really enjoy). Cats sit on me night and day, because they are minus one lap (spouse’s) and not getting their usual petting and lap times. Maybe they miss the duck voice also.

I feel really old. People I was in school with look really old ( saw pictures on websites).

I think I am watching too much television. History Channel had a program about 7 deadly sins. Sloth/ procrastination/depression was one-maybe I need the exorcist they described to get rid of my demon. My demon keeps me writing late at night, web surfing, not getting housework and other stuff done. Some people apparently believe you have a demon that can be exorcised to help alleviate depression. I know God works in mysterious ways, but not sure how demons do- wondering if demons can create a chemical imbalance. It’s very confusing.

So, I am depressed because I surfed too much, currently am keeping weird sleep hours, and talking to cats more than people. I do like the part where I stay in pajamas all day, but so far 2009 is a bust. Wondering how I am going to make 2009 a better year than 2008. God help me please! ( God has been really great so far keeping me out of trouble- am hoping He sheds some enlightenment on me about the career this year).

Anyway, I’d best go to bed now (it is like 4 am and I wanted to get up by 9! I gotta go work out and get some endorphins going again-maybe my sloth demons can be “exercised” away.

Maybe also people don’t put “I’m in jail” or “I’m a recovering addict” in their web blogs or Facebook pages. What do you think, diary?