These are 100% true to life diary entries of mine, pregnant and newly married, with my husband away in Iraq. There are many more after these here, and if interested I will continue to publish them up until today. Much has changed in this last year… updates are available.

February 25, 2007

It smells like snow outside. Icy, calm and uncomfortably quiet. The snow is scheduled to begin falling any minute. We’re supposed to get 5 inches and I hope we do. The winter has been unsettling this year. Not much of a winter with 60-degree days in January. At least some accumulation would be somewhat redeeming at this point.

I’m pretty sure I haven’t felt this lonely ever in my life. It’s more than just the fact that my new husband of barely two months is off at war. It’s everything. It’s the way my whole world changed at the snap of events I barely had time to swallow. Now I have too much time. Funny huh? In the past ten months I have gone through so many changes I can hardly recognize the woman staring back at me in the mirror. She looks very much the same, but very much changed.

Just 2 weeks before turning 28 I became a wife. A month before that, I became an expectant mother. Sometimes I feel like my head is still spinning on it’s own and I couldn’t stop it until it slowed on it’s own. Now considered an “adult”, which is stranger than any of it. I have found that the many nights of drunken stupor at the local bars, tripping over equally drunken friends and late night sloppy diner food are so far behind me I wonder how I lived that life for so many years. Fun without consequence. Well, I have a strong suspicion I will be making up for that and then some in the next few months. Hell, I kind of already am.

I’m roughly four months along. My belly pops out a little bit and has hardened in the last couple of weeks, which I find so strange and yet so exciting. But if I were to throw on a bulky sweater, the unknowing public wouldn’t ever be able to tell I harbor new life in my body. I can’t yet feel the baby within me moving quite yet, a few flutters here and there. But I sense it’s there. Four inches long and it dominates every aspect of life as I know it. Amazing. I can’t wait to meet the little one. I have so much to say. So many kisses and hugs to give. The time seems to crawl now, but as I look back to the first month, I find it hard to believe I’m now at four months!