Dear Diary,

This is my first time writing to you. I have been told that I have “issues” so this seems like a way to work some of them out. A little bit about me, I am adorable, smart, and conversant. You get the point I should be a lady’s man but I guess those “issues” can be problematic.

Years ago I was born in Washington. I never knew my father and I was taken away from my mother at a very young age. A single woman adopted me. She already had adopted once before. I now live in an apartment with this woman and my adopted older brother.

Soon after I was born I was surgically made infertile. I have found out my brother suffers from the same fate. Why would modern medicine treat us so horribly!?!?

I feel like a kept man. I have very little energy. I sometimes sleep 16-20 hours a day and my brother is the same way. Often times we fall asleep on the couch and wake up for short periods hoping that the woman would go into the kitchen and make us a snack. Alas, she does not always do what we want.

Today my brother jumped off of the couch and sat at the kitchen entryway. He waited and stared at the woman daring her to whip up a snack. After a short while my brother flopped down onto the floor, laid there, losing the fight of wills with this woman. Oh how did she ever gain so much power over us?!?! Stay strong brother! Don’t let her walk over your sluggish body. Let her know that you crave a savory meaty treat. Finally, she placed two small plates onto the kitchen counter. Get excited brother, victory is ours! Next, I saw a can being placed onto the counter. Oh please, woman, serve us something good. She is now placing meaty morsels from the can onto the plates and delivering them to us. I can not hold back my excitement any longer. I am verbally communicating my pleasure as this woman knows how to make me purr. Ah, tuna, where have you been? I am now the happiest cat in the world.