Each year, thousands of fraternities around the nation travel to different cities with their bowties and cummerbunds to celebrate “Formal”. Here at Georgia Tech, there is no exception. One of the key components to a successful “Formal” experience is a compatible date. This is where my dilemma began:

About one month before formal, my girlfriend of two years decided that it would be best if we never spoke again. I asked if she would still want to go to formal with me and we would just dance in silence, but that apparently was not an option either. So, with exactly one month to spare, I had but one mission, and that was to find a formal date that would bring pangs of envy and hatred to my ex’s heart. This was not going to be an easy task, but like any man with a desire for revenge, I decided to give it my all.

After a few drinks, a bit of brainstorming, and a few more drinks, it came to me. Instead of asking girls to formal, why not let them ask me. I know that sounds a bit arrogant, but I am a pretty breathtaking gentleman. Anyhow, after a few days I had the solution to all my “Formal” problems. I had finally put my “Techiness” to a manly use. I had created a website in which girls from all over the globe could apply to be my companion for Formal. After three weeks of grueling applications and interviews, I was finally able to select the perfect date. One whom would could satisfy both my needs for revenge and a glorious weekend. Below is the interview I conducted with the winner of “Win a Date ‘08”.

For some reason, the winner wished to remain anonymous, so we will just refer to her as Tig Ol’ Bitties.

ME: First of all, why don’t you tell me a little about yourself?

Tig Ol’ Bitties (TOB): Well, I am originally from Atlanta, but right now I am a second year at the University of Alabama; and that only means that I hate UGA, plus I can party Tuesday through Saturday.

ME: (Few Laughs) Any girl that hates UGA is alright in my book. Well you know formal consists of lots of dancing, and I don’t want to be intimidating, but some of my dance moves have been know to strike fear into the heart of a woman. Do you think you could handle it?

TOB: (Giggling) Well… it’s funny that you ask because I am actually on the dance team at Alabama. Is that intimidating?

ME: Wow, yes that is a bit. I believe a dance-off looms in our future. Ok, so why don’t you tell me your idea of a perfect date?

TOB: Hmm… My ideal date would definitely consist of a bottle of wine, maybe a few Natural Lights, a bonfire and maybe even a few s’mores. I love the outdoors, so pretty much anything where we can hang outside with Mother Nature.

ME: You just mentioned my two loves: Natural Light and Mother Nature. I might have to crown you the winner right now. Anything else you want to make known?

TOB: Yes! If you choose me, you might get lucky.

ME:  (Laughs) Well thanks for applying, I will get back to you ASAP.

One Weekend Later

So, I just got back from the weekend. I am furious. All the pictures Tig Ol’ Bitties sent were obviously altered with some weight reducing feature. Dance Team? Maybe if you call eating cheeseburgers dancing. The luckiest I got all weekend is when Stig Ol’ Bomach (also known as Tina Montgomery who currently lives on 121 West Lake Drive Tuscaloosa, Alabama) passed out. Revenge is a bitch; and in my case, an overweight one.