From the on-set of my childhood right through high school I was a very timid and self-conscious child in social settings and especially in school. I had trouble making friends and even after I did seek out a friend, I had trouble carrying out a conversation in fear that they would criticize my words. I never had more then 2 friends through out my elementary and middle school years and I always felt like an outcast looking at a group of my peers laughing and communicating with each other and wondering why I could not do the same. Through out those elementary and middle school years I was invited to a couple of social events which I chose not to attend.

Every invitation I received was thrown away and most of them I didn’t even mention to my parents in fear they would force me to go in order to interact with kids my own age. This intense shyness and lack of self-confidence followed me every where I went even with my own family. I hated not having the confidence to order my own meal at a restaurant so my mother would just order for me which enabled me to continue on this path. I hid from the world in the comfort of my home surrounded by my family reading, studying and keeping up with me academics. Although I was focused on getting good grades, I used academics as a way to hide and make excuses for myself for not having to interact with other kids. My academic school work was never a problem until I entered high school. I was so self-conscious and stubborn that I refused to ask my teachers for help when I began to struggle with a subject.

My grades started to tumble and I fought with my parents almost everyday making the lame excuses that I would do better next time or blaming the teacher for my mistakes. This self-destructive pattern continued until I entered eleventh grade and my parents and I went to see the school psychologist. I was so reluctant to go because I thought my peers would find out and think I was mentally unstable which was absurd.

My family and I went for a couple sessions but because I was so uncooperative they stopped going with me. My grades were horrendous and I thought I might not graduate high school and go off to college like I always planned. I was still so shy and so worried about what everyone thought of me and on top of that deep down I knew it was partially my own fault. After those sessions my parents sat down one night to talk with me and told me that after I graduated high school I better be going off to college or finding work because they could not tolerate this any longer. They were angry at themselves for not being able to get through to me and they told me that the only person who could help me was me. After I was willing to admit that this shyness was holding me back in my life and was a problem, I could begin to accept outside help. A couple of months ahead when I was in the middle of my junior year in high school things seemed to be improving. I was slowly bringing up my grades, asking for help from my teachers and making tiny small talk with these girls I considered my friends.