I Deserved to be Raped

Norah Retracks on May 24, 2008

Tags: aftermath, Attack, encounter, friends, hospital, hurt, Men, ordeal, pain, police, rape, rapists, sex, subway, victim, women

The three year Anniversary of my attack has just passed. I have written a candid story of the events that led up to my rape and only a part of the aftermath. I hope my story serves as a stepping stone for other women to come forward and speak up about their own experience.

May 11, 2005 would be the day that my life changed forever. However no story would be complete without a little background information.

Let’s rewind to May 10, 2005. I was four days shy of graduating with a BS. from college. There was so much to do and so little time. I had an on campus “job” of taking care of residents. I had to get an outfit. I had to pack. I felt like I was about to jump off a cliff!!

My phone rang. To my dismay I HAD to answer it since I was a resident assistant. Much to my surprise, it was an actually a childhood friend of mine who was also graduating. Phew! It wasn’t a resident. Thank The Lord! “Jessica” was going to be in my area and wanted to know if I wanted to hang out and celebrate.

I came up with every excuse in the book not to go. They weren’t really excuses, they more like chores that needed to be accomplished within the next four days. After a back and forth banter, I finally caved and decided to meet her in the city the next day.

Fast forward to May 11th. I alerted my co-workers that I wouldn’t be around and to call me on my cellular phone is they needed me. I’ve never be a fan of the subway, but it’s one of the easiest and cheapest means of transportation. This will come into play as my story unfolds.

I get to the city around 3 PM and Jess and her boyfriend are there waiting. We decided to nix the idea of drinking since I had finals to study for and Jess had to drive to her house and back to her campus. We sat down in one of the local eateries and stuffed our faces as though we were going to the electric chair and that was our last meal. We spent most of the night cackling like banshees and reminiscing on the good ole days.

Jess and I are 80s babies and we couldn’t help but sing those catchy 80 tunes for the whole place to hear. We even started quoting lines from some of the cheesiest 80s movies known to man! It was the most fun I had been a part of in a very long time!! As the saying goes, “Time flies when you’re having a good time” and truer words have never been spoken. I looked at my watch and realized that it was 2am!!

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Comments (11)

col on May 25, 2008
No woman should be subjected to what you suffered, it was not your fault and I hope one day you realise this animal crossed a line which most decent people will find appaling. My sympathy goe’s to you but you should never have to think what IF.

What if he got hit by a bus on the way to the station, pity he never died on that day.
felt the same on May 25, 2008
its not your fault.

its that pigs fault.

I don’t care if a woman is passed out on the street drunk while naked, no one has the right to violate anyone’s body.

i hope one day you realize that. it took me a year to realize i was not the dirty depraved one
Norah Retracks on May 25, 2008
Thank you both for your comments and the support.

I am sorry this happened to you also.

It’s been three years for me, but the images of what happend are still fresh in my memory.

I blamed myself wayyy more back then because I was stubborn. I am learning to accept the fact that it wasn’t my fault and I didn’t deserve it. but like always- those others thoughts creep in.

It was difficult to write this, but I feel that if more women opened up about this kind of thing, we’d all be better off.
Again thank you. Hopefully I can post the rest soon.
It never fully goes away...But with time.. on May 25, 2008
Its been over 15 years since my attack. I know with time and space comes SOME peace Not alot..I still wake up in a sweat with what feels like a hand on my mouth. No one is there, I have recieved counciling for what felt like my own fault…I let him in the house. He was my friend, I thought I knew him…Not always…Please know that in my heart and in my head I am there with you, your not alone, and you have people who would take away your pain if they could…Hugs and blessings…
Anne Lyken-Garner on May 28, 2008
This is so sad, and what’s more painful about it, is that you blame yourself.

I hope with time, that you realise that the fault does not lie with you, because you won’t be able to live the life you deserve and give your future kids and husband all of you, until you decide that you were not to blame for such a horrible incident, which invariably changed your life.

It’s painful and totally horrible that that’s happened, now the question is not ‘what if?’ but ‘what am I going to allow this experience to do to me?’
warAngel01 on Jun 4, 2008
I know what your going though I’v felt the same way many times I disserved what happen I was stoped to walk at night but I did it any way all I wanted was a walk so I could just cry I could have cryed in my room but beleve me when I say this I dident diserve this and you dident eather we were just at the wrong place at the wrong time I was rapped too
riteish saxena on Jul 25, 2008
your account has made me feel very depressed how can a man do that im shocked im a man too but i will nevr venture even close to a woman in the dead of the night why wasnt i there to save you but plz dont think all men are the same i am feeling ashamed that a man did this im too depressed my heart goes out to you may god bless you please dont think all men are bad had i been there i would hav saved u even if it meant death for me im from india for me u r just like a goddess which we worship,many males are rotten here too but all are not bad .u were not at the wrong place that rotten bastard should be hanged u deserve the right to roam free nobody stops u from goin anywhere.rape is ghastly crime only death is the answer to it please get some tips on how to beat up men if they attack you,a man is very weak if u deliver the blows at the right places
Lets-B-A-No-Nee-Muss on Aug 7, 2008
LOL…
Hey Riteish…r u tryin to win over her and woo her?
Cuz I totally understand where u come from n where u headed.
Ur Sick!!
karthik on Aug 12, 2008
oh god this horrible things happening in this world.i will accept as a lesson in my life so and i will look it will never happen in future.
Rebekah Lowell on Aug 23, 2008
Wow! How Horrible For You! I am So sorry anyone would ever have to endure that. Your a survivor!
Kim Buck on Sep 11, 2008
You didn’t deserve this…you are alive and are here to share your story with the world for a reason. My prayer for you is that you can free your mind from this prison.

God bless you.

I Deserved to be Raped

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