Why are there mirrors in bathrooms? Was it to indulge in the vanity of 12th century whores? Or maybe some caveman boy got sick and tired of his caveman mom constantly trying to wipe the mammoth blood off of his face, so he invented the mirror to do it himself. However mirrors came to be, I despise them. How can I envelope all of this hatred and spite into one essay? All I can say is, I’m glad this isn’t an English essay in which the most difficult part is not to produce enough information, but to mutilate your perfect essay until it’s short enough so that your teacher’s insignificant attention span might just allow her to grade the essay without wreaking havoc over your teenage “defiance”. Someday, not today, I may rant about English teachers.

Anyways, back to the subject. Mirrors.  What is it about them that makes anyone who happens upon one feel obliged to wave or stick their tongue out or do a jig? It’s some sort of magical force that binds people to the wonders of seeing the world around them in exactly the same manner, except reflected off a smooth surface.  I can’t say I’m not compelled by this whimsical force. Oh god how mirrors waste my time. I used to stand in the bathroom for half an hour after showers, just making faces into mirrors. Then, someone would awkwardly open the bathroom door to me, staring into the mirror with an expression very much resembling that of a yawning donkey (my mother told me not to lock the door when I took showers, and it only occurred to me recently that it was likely because as a kid I could slip and fall in the shower  or something along those lines and it probably no longer applies).

Maybe the reason is that you see yourself in the mirror. The only other way to really see yourself is to look at pictures of yourself or gaze into a body of water, so you don’t see yourself too often. This rare instance somehow implants ideas into your mind and makes you do peculiar things. For example, whenever I go to my relatives’ house in LA, I always notice the kiss marks on the mirrors in my step cousins’ room. I wondered what could have possibly encouraged them to do such a thing. I would think it would be awkward to kiss yourself in the mirror. This must be how it would go down (Me1 speaks with a flirting girl tone, Me2 speaks in a deep, smooth, masculine voice):