I hate myself right now for just thinking pissy thoughts. Although people find me pleasant, I am rather horribly harsh on myself. I am a hard core perfectionist when it comes to my life and when things go a little less than average, my world shuts down and I become ultra self-hating. No, it has nothing to do with someone getting their way, it has everything to do with the balance of my world. I don’t mind if I don’t get my way with things, things happen and you can not avoid it. I just know that my life could be better,anyone’s could. I could be doing something that constitutes using one of my various “degrees”, but am I, no… I choose happiness over all. It all comes at a price. The only question is, are we willing to pay it. I am. Ultimately I will and it will be out of my hands and from that point it will be down to who can withstand the things to come. I guess I am just ranting out of pure boredom. Maybe it is due to having things bottled up, who knows. I know that I am happy, happier than I have ever been. I don’t want to not be happy. I want to ride this wave for the longest time.

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