To dee do dee do. If It wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.  Gee Willakers.

I am a born loser. Lets start with my looks. I am short, fat and ugly. Getting men is just as hard and painful as having a baby. I can’t even get a one night stand!

I’m so ugly, that everybody on the streets look at me and they say, “What was that?” They laugh and gawk at me. Well it’s not my fault that I had a mother that looked like a sheep dog and a father who looked like Barney five. Like Golly gee willakers!

I live in a one room roach infested apartment. There are just so many of them. I talk to them when I’m bored. I talk about my ugliness and the fact that I can’t get guys. I talk to them about being on the rag. I talk to them about the President and why I am on Welfare. No, I will never attempt to spray of fog these roaches. These cock roaches are my friends. The only friends that I have. Golly gee willakers.

I lost 33 jobs. Oh well, that’s life. Every job that I had, I hated. So I would always be late and not do the work. I’d just sit around like a snail.  Ho hum.

I never won anything in my life. Not even a gold fish at the state fair. In fact, a couple of guys who were dressed as seventies guys with three piece suits and wide ties approached me.  They asked me if I wanted to join the circus. They said that they need some freaky looking girls like me. OK. So I’m a freak. I can’t wait to talk to my darling cock roaches all of this. Golly gee willakers.

I never get anything I want. Waaaah. I walk into a clothing store and the sales person looks at me as though I came straight from a sewer and snidely says, “There is nothing in this store that we have for you. Get out.” OK. Willakers.

I go to a bar and order a beer. The bartender looks at me as though I came from the planet Mars, and slams the beer on the counter. OK. Golly gee Willakers!

This is all like being in New York, where everybody thinks they are better than everybody else. Oh well,
I was born under a bad sign in everyway. Golly gee willakers.