I have managed to find a new hobby. Well, not so much a hobby as a way to cheer myself up if I’m ever down. It’s something I wouldn’t think I’d like, due to it’s narcissistic nature and the sheer cynicism involved with it’s existence. 

Here’s a link to it.
www.fmylife.com

Now let’s assume here that either you don’t understand it or are too lazy to click on the link (I’m not judging, I, myself, would be too lazy to click on the link). This is a site for where people who have had something bad happen to them to post it, like a facebook status onto an internet page, whereby tens of thousands of strangers get to vote if you brought this circumstance upon yourself or whether your ‘life sucks’. 

Sidenote: I don’t agree with that wording (their ‘life sucks’) and you’ll find out why when I share some of the statuses with you. 

Some of the statuses uploaded are genuinely about bad relationships and stuff, but most, (not sure if they’re meant to be), are funny – or at least to me they are. And this is where my hobby comes in of cheering myself up if ever I become down. I’ll read one and just dissect it, and some of them are actually cringe-worthy. 
So heres one: – oh wait….. stop, all the statuses start with ‘Today I…’

Ok, so here we go:
Today, I saw a spider on my wall. I threw a shoe at it. I now have a dent on my wall and a bruise on my face where the shoe bounced off and hit me.

There are about three things wrong with that, although they are slightly mutually exclusive. First off, what kind of shoes are you wearing? What shoe when thrown at a wall makes a dent in the wall? Either the walls made of paper; your wearing iron shoes or the hulk posted that status. And since you only got a bruise and the shoe ‘bounced’ I’ll assume the wall wasn’t made of paper nor was the shoe iron. 
Therefore I can only come to the logical conclusion that the hulk is scared of spiders. Five and a half thousand people thought that this person’s life sucked. In contrast twenty thousand thought the hulks a bit of an idiot. 

Another: Today, I spent 30 minutes steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow.

Now, I’ve not got much to say about this one apart from how? I mean… how? But more importantly why did 500 people vote that your life sucked? Let’s face it, your life doesn’t suck you just have a stupid amount of time on your hands (says the man half nibbling on a biscuit, a quarter watching one of the most boring games of football I’ve ever seen and a quarter split between writing this and riffling through the worlds most self-loathing website). 

So anyway after what seemed like a very long time at uni, that now seems like it was no time at all, I’m back for the summer. And yes this blog is about a month late for me coming home and I’ll be honest I have no excuse as to why it’s a month late other than it’s the world cup this year. 
Why do people complain about the world cup? It comes around once every four years and stays for a month – it’s the one-month where England is ever so slightly patriotic and you get to read facebook groups like ‘Why do these men always play football at Vuvuzela concerts?’ – if you don’t know what a vuvuzela is, tune in to any world cup match for about a minute and that buzzing sound you hear is not a rogue bee hive that’s somehow found it’s way to your living room – it’s one of many reasons why South Africa is a very odd place for a world cup.

Don’t get me wrong I love the culture shock of watching the world cup build up when they do pieces about random South African people but let’s face it, I’m there for the football. I use the word odd on South Africa because the altitude means that players have to play well above sea level one day and then at seas level another which may not sound like a bad thing, but for reasons I don’t quite understand, it is. 

South Africa is odd this year because it is producing weird results. All the pundits predicted France, Italy, England, Spain and Germany to sail through their groups but for reasons I’m unaware of they are all struggling and France are basically out. 
And almost everybody becomes an expert, two weeks ago most people couldn’t care less why Uruguay play one centre forward but since the world cup, trivial matters like this are not just banter for the pubs and pundits.