We’ll probably never know whether certain Americans have really been abducted by aliens, but what we do know for sure is that your chances are better if your name is one syllable (Buch, Duke, Hank, etc).  Also, you have a better chance if you sleep in the back of your truck when you aren’t on a comping trip.  Also, it seems that most aliens are interested in people who consume large amounts of alcohol.  I can only assume that somewhere there is a database that tells all of the aliens the exact location of people who meet the above criteria.

JE