I spent 12.5 years of my life serving this wonderful country of ours and loved what I did.  Yes there were difficult times and people I couldn’t stand, however, as an adult, I sucked it up and pressed on.  I was so determined not to let those few people dictate to me who I was going to be.  I got to my last (most recent) duty station and found the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I found that my time in the military was drawing to a close.  I got to this base determined to go far but got shot down within the first month I was here being told I was worthless and a P.O.S supervisor and stating that EVERY one of my prior supervisors were obviously idiots and didn’t know me because I received the ratings I received.  I was crushed and fell deeper into the depression I had been dealing with for over 5 years.  All the anguish and pain caused by a few individuals ended what I believed to be a wonderful life. 

I was medically retired on June 27th 2009.  I was told that my case would be reviewed in 6 months and I could get returned to Active Duty but in the meantime I’m retired.  Retired…sounds nice doesn’t it.  Yes I get a paycheck every month.  What they don’t tell you is that all the benefits you once received for free for serving your country are no longer free.  EVEN with being told that I was to maintain my medical appointments and documentation of those appointments, I was going to have to pay for the care I was MANDATED to receive.  Now, under any other circumstance, I would see no problem with paying for medical care but when I am being told that I MUST COMPLY with all directed medical appointments and medications, I should be able to do that without paying for it.  I spent all that time serving my country with the possibility of being brought back on to Active Duty in a few months but in the meantime I’m struggling to keep food on the table for my children and the roof over their heads that I have worked so hard to achieve.

I am now working for a wonderful company through a temp agency but at $9/hr, I can hardly afford to pay for much more than daycare, food, 1/2 my mortgage, and scrape up enough to manage paying for the car, insurance, electricity and water.  I don’t even take my children who are 10 and 8 out to eat.  I can’t even afford to buy them a happy meal.  I went to the government seeing assistance but somehow I am making $200 too much money.  CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???  I have to choose between paying a bill and buying food  but I make too much money?  Where is the justice in that?  I’ve worked hard to get where I am with little help from anyone (my mother has been tremendous since all this happened) over the last 12 years.  I’m still an employed, valuable member of my community but it seems that I have to suffer in silence. 

I don’t know where to turn.  I don’t know what to do.  I don’t even know why I’m voicing all this but I feel it is something that I have to get off my chest.  How do you succeed in life when you ask for help and the door is slammed in your face?!  I know I’m not alone in this struggle and I would love to hear how anyone else is dealing with the same or similiar problem.  I don’t know how else to cope but I have to stay strong for my children.  I do the best I can with what I have but apparently it isn’t enough.